Qandeel Baloch

" Masculinity So Fragile, A Woman Only Needs To Breathe To Hurt It"

“I will not let Mahmood Farooqui’s act rob me of my idea of who I am,”

I have remained silent for over a year about the sexual assault/rape of an American Fulbright researcher by the founder-storyteller of the art form Dastangoi and the Peepli Live co-director Mahmood Farooqui.

But now that the fast track court trial is over, I want to speak about what I have known during this period.

First off, I would like to say that I know both the man convicted of rape by the court and the woman-victim of the rape.

I have known Mahmood Farooqui for about 5-6 years now. I was a huge admirer of his Dastangoi work. I had asked him to write an essay about this theatrical story-telling artform as intangible cultural heritage for a museum journal I was guest-editing. He is an intellectually sharp man and a creative powerhouse. After that, I began going to his home for the monthly story-telling practise sessions called baithaks. And met other members of his family and the Dastangoi team. Over the past 9 years, I have followed the Dastangoi stage performances keenly.

I am also a friend of the rape survivor, the American citizen. She and I met for the first time to have a conversation about museums – this was a few months before the incident occurred. And then after that, we became friends and met some more times. She has been coming to India for many years and is an Indophile and is an expert in languages and scriptures.

Two days after the incident occurred, the survivor messaged me and asked to meet. I was in my office. I did not know what it was about. She came over and she narrated the entire incident for two hours – in tears, anger, shock and loathing. She had been friends with Mahmood Farooqui and his wife. She had met Mahmood Farooqui for help with her research work in Gorakhpur (Mahmood Farooqui hails from that place).

She met me that day not because I am a journalist. But as a woman-friend. In her narration to me, there was a lot of shock and disbelief over what he had done to her. She wrote an email to him telling him what he did to her was wrong, and that he should know he cannot go through life doing this to other women. He replied to her email with a short apology.

But her anger and trauma did not end there. It wasn’t just an apology she was seeking.

She went back to the U.S. to be among her people, friends, family and her university system. She complained to the university. She sought legal advice. She tried to heal. She tried to process the incident mentally when she was home. Then she looked at her little niece and said to herself – “I always teach her to stand up and fight if someone harmed her. Would I ever be able to tell her that again if I remain silent now?”

Mahmood Farooqui is socially and intellectually influential. He enacts stage performances about injustice, human rights and gender. He is a Rhodes scholar. How can such a learned man ever do this, many asked.

Others said: She knew him, they were close friends. How can it be rape?

As if education and familiarity negates the act of rape automatically.

Even if I have known a man for long, a sexual act without my consent is rape. It has nothing to do with his education or his progressive support for the right causes. It has everything to do with the fundamental inability to hear and understand the meaning of the word “No.”

She said to me: “I have always been the person who owns her body and sexuality. What happened to me that night took that ownership away.”

She returned after a couple of months to India and filed an FIR.

Questions were asked about why she delayed filing the FIR. It is not always easy when you have known and trusted the perpetrator. It is easier to rush to the police station when it is a cab driver, or bus driver or stranger lurking in the shadows of the street. But when you know the assaulter – you go through several stages of coming to terms with it – shock, hurt, anger, loathing, self-questioning, shattered trust and so on.

She was also afraid of the rampant victim-shaming that goes on in India in rape cases. She wondered aloud that day if she would be able to survive the “blame-the-victim” mind-set that is so prevalent here.

And she did face that a lot during the pre-trial stage and in court. During the trial, her family in the U.S. and other places were inconsolable. She told her mother not to come to India because she did not want to expose her mother to the barbs and hostility she faced from Mahmood Farooqui's family and friends in court. She went through the court trial alone.

Overnight, a number of Mahmood Farooqui’s friends shunned her. In that circle, it was a virtual warzone and the lines were drawn over whose side you were on. The male friends and supporters of Mahmood spoke of a certain “bro-code” that needed to be upheld.

They even called her friends and asked them to “mediate” and drop the case. When we read in the newspapers how village elders and Khap elders attempt to "mediate" in rape cases, we get so angry and call them backward. But when we do it in the cities for our friends, it is part of a "bro-code."

The survivor did not think about the outcome of the trial. She is not out to get revenge or send him to jail for x number of years. Her impulse behind filing the FIR was simple – she had to act. Silence was not a choice. She wanted to believe in the law and the system. And by that mere act of believing in the system, she moved the battle forward – not just for so many other women like us but for her own path to internal recovery. She reclaimed some of her own sense of who she was.

“I will not let Mahmood Farooqui’s act rob me of my idea of who I am,” she said to me.

In this, there is a lesson for all of us. We are too familiar with the way the system works. We complain about police investigations, court trials, victim blaming and so on. But only if we keep pushing the system – and acting as if we believe that the process of justice is 100 per cent perfect – will the system eventually work.

She did not have the luxury of silence. And we do not have the luxury of cynicism.

First posted on Facebook by Rama Lakshmi

Say It Like An Action Hero

Bangalore Auto Rickshaw Action Hero Driver

Himmat Waali, Action Hero Courageous one, Action Hero

Action Hero Hacker Tool Kit :

We ask our Action Heroes to be equipped with sticker paper ( easily available at all stationery shops), scissors and a marker.

Imagine every visual speaking reminding, repeating, reiterating in various ways , tones, languages.

"Freedom without fear. The Right to be unwarned. I Never ‘Ask For It'"

What affirmative words would you like to place over found pop culture visuals?

What would you rather every body said, instead of what they do say , you see?

Walk . Find. Stop. Write. Cut. Stick. Photograph. Send. Tweet.

Criteria and guidelines:

1. Affirmative
2. Affirmative
3. Affirmative
4. Build Action Hero Solidarity
5. Affirmative
6. Remember, this didn’t occur if you didn’t document it- don’t forget to take a photo and send it to blurtblanknoise@gmail.com
7. Document
8. Send. It did not happen unless you send it and we post it here :)

Occupy Sharing

What does it feel like when you are in the presence of someone occupying more space because of their gender?  What have you felt? Have you intervened? 
related

Madkam Hidme : Pledge To Not Forget

Madkam Hidme was dragged away from their home by security personnel on June 13. The next day, the police sent back her corpse. “A stark nude body wrapped in plastic,” Lakshmi, Madkam's mother said. The police released a photo that showed the body of Hidme on the ground. She was wearing a crisp, ironed Maoist uniform. The outsized pants had been rolled up neatly around the ankles. The police claim she was a Maoist , hence killed .Her mother says she was raped and killed

Report on the rape and murder of Madkam Hidme at scroll.

Activist Soni Sori’s rest house in Konta , Chhatisgarh was surrounded by the police forces, in an attempt to stop her from visiting Madkam Hidme’s village and family. Soni Sori

The police had also stopped Congress and AAP fact finding teams from visiting Sukam, the village where Madkam Hidme lived. A second post mortem report is to be submitted . There are no new press reports on the case.

Pledge To Not Forget

‪#‎INeverAskForIt‬.

Action Hero Red 21 steps in. I Never Ask For It .

Action Hero Red 21

In solidarity with Action Hero Red 21, Punjab

" He was one of my closest friends. It took me two years to wrap my head around the fact that it wasn’t my fault. t is not easy when anyone who talks about a situation like this starts the conversation with what the girl did to incite this.I have had people tell me that at least you weren’t raped and people who have mocked me.There was also talk about my invitation to him about an empty classroom. " - #INeverAskForIt

Do you remember the clothes you wore when you experienced sexual or gender based violence? Your garment is your testimonial. Please get in touch at blurtblanknoise@gmail.com

Unite To Eradicate Victim Blame:Invitation To Allies and Action Heroes

http://blog.blanknoise.org/…/unite-to-eradicate-victim-blam…

When You Are Past The Auto Correct Apology : Which By The Way, You Must Deliver

To Salman Khan and anyone justifying your words
To anyone who found it funny, and or has made such statements before or is likely is to here after.
Beyond political correctness
Speak after feeling.
What , according to you, does 'a raped woman' feel?

“When I used to walk out of that ring, it used to be actually like a raped woman walking out.”
comment audio

National Commission For Women Wants An Apology From Salman Khan For The Rape Comment Within 7 Days . Shiv Sena Will Not Forgive Salman Khan If He Does Not Apologise
Singer Sona Mohapatra gets trolled with rape threats, after commenting on Salman Khan misogyny. 


To Salman Khan,

And anyone who could have said the same. 

Tell me what a ‘raped woman’ feels.

Past the public apology

The 'mistake'

‘Misquote'

'A slipped statement'

'A joke'

'Just a joke'
'Foot in mouth'

Laugh

Light
Not right
Big deal.

Tell me what a ‘raped woman’ feels.

They might stuff hollow words in your mouth
Stuff them back in our ears

Beyond shame
Right or wrong
Apology.

Feel 

Like a woman
Man
Person

Dog
Leaf

Tell me what a ‘raped woman’ feels.

*

Also read Paromita Vohra's column " Boyz to men "

Bangalore Event: Action Hero Forum For College and University Students

Action Heroes Jajwalya and Sriraksha , Bangalore  ( also new volunteers on board from Bangalore) are in preparation towards organising an Action Hero Forum that brings together college students in Bangalore. The event will be hosted on Saturday, 9th of July at the Goethe Institute, Bangalore. Get in touch if you wish to be involved.

Walk Alone : Step By Step Guide To Unapologetic Walking

#WalkAlone

For The Right To Walk Unwarned.

Unapologetic.

No Excuse For Sexual Violence.

I Never Ask For It.

Dear Action Heroes,

This week ( June 12 -19, 2016 )  We Walk Alone. Together.

Take a step towards a place you have never been alone to before

Or have been warned about.

Identify the place. Walk there. Take a photo.

#WalkAlone + Mention Place + Add Selfie + Describe How You Feel.

#INeverAskForIt

Repeat It , Till You Become It.

Fearless. Action Hero.

*Event Closes 31st December 2016

midnight harbour line /
breezy compartment is mine /
shauk se akeli.#WalkAlone #Night@BLANK_NOISE pic.twitter.com/rtNNQQmTo0

— satya (@desigrrl) June 20, 2016

I #WalkAlone in the woods on sunday #FightFear of unseen bike sound , over chirping birds / breeze @jasmeenpatheja pic.twitter.com/lcWPJaW6iO

— BLANK NOISE (@BLANK_NOISE) June 20, 2016

Forest Walk #Bangalore. Lightness. Breeze.Sun. #WalkAlone once, do it again! #ActionHeroes https://t.co/8utummwdyQ pic.twitter.com/44eB6TTFUp

— Jasmeen Patheja (@jasmeenpatheja) June 12, 2016

here's me being unknowingly photographed by a friend at the said park. #WalkAlone #ReadAlone @BLANK_NOISE pic.twitter.com/9XBmXBlLDe

— Girls at Dhabas (@girlsatdhabas) June 26, 2016

@jasmeenpatheja @amritat @genderlogindia @AshokaIndia @anexasajoop @Shehla_Rashid #walkalone on a wintery CBR night! pic.twitter.com/1nfcnnvrOO

— Dr Trish M Kahn (@Teesmarkahn) June 26, 2016

Action Hero Chaitra Rao : I walked alone on the roads of a village, Koppa during early sunlight morning. It felt liberating to be walking alone with my thoughts on the serene roads of a village without the frenzy of the city air. Although I looked over my shoulder often, I walked on to overcome my fear or the feeling that I'm vulnerable. I should do this more often .

Action Hero Atreyee Majumder: I am a compulsive walker. But not a runner. I need the slow contemplative rhythm of walking to clear my head. Walking in the hilly cities of Kohima and Shillong was an additional test of stamina. The hills are less rushed than the plains, thus, amenable to a walker's pace.Men and women move at the rhythm of clouds. The day moves into a bout of rain, comes out into a  bit of sunshine, and then slowly wraps itself in evening. B and I walk from Nongrim to Police Bazaar to Laitumukrah. We take a bus. We take shared taxis. The pace is content, slow. The mood is - I don't have a word for it - it's a kind of content, but something more. Kohima is quiter, slower. It rains off and on. I walk around downtown, uphill and downhill. Up to the war cemetery. I forget my gender. In a most liberating way. The plains are forever burdening me with femaleness in my navigation of space. But the hills are more relenting.

Action Hero Jasmeen. Bangalore. Eucalyptus Plantation.
‪#‎WalkAlone‬ Sunday includes strangers warning strangers of strangers. The Story Of Fear.

Kannada to English translation by Bela Shah Patil

Man on bike :  Walking....?Are you alone....? People around here are not good........are you upset that I asked you.........here the place is not good....I am just saying that ladies coming alone......should not....

Action Hero Neha Khandelwal

Walking home from friend's place in Yelahanka 4th Phase, Bangalore at 10 30 PM

I have walked alone a few times in Yelahanka before but I have preferred to have male company accompany me. It is difficult to stop practising prevention when you have experienced street harassment all the time. This time when I took the walk I was really conscious of my surroundings. I did not even stop to take the picture because I did not want to stop. But I came across a family of 4, a mother with her two kids walking their dog and that immediately made me let go of my fear. I felt as if that is what was the solution. For women, children to occupy the roads, to make it the norm so that it does not stay an exception. Kudos to the women walking the streets in the night. I urge them to continue as will I,even though it still scares me!

Unite To Eradicate Victim Blame : Invitation To Allies and Action Heroes

campaign overview

September 25th - October 1st 2016

I Never Ask For It Week

Unite To Eradicate Victim Blame

Invitation To Action Heroes and Allies

i) Step in , in an independent one ‘Action Heo’  capacity.
Duration: Short term one time engagement  with the option of extending duration and nature of association.

• Send in the garment you wore when you experienced sexual violence/ threat/ intimidation.  ( short term)
• Apply to volunteer or intern with the I Never Ask For It campaign. ( three months)

ii) Step in, influence, involve, create I Never Ask For It community:
Duration: Short to long term ( 3 months that can be extended depending on your availability )

• Draw on your personal resources, networks and people around you. Start the conversation on victim blame and I Never Ask For It Clothes Project where you live, with communities that you are already part of . Eg neighbourhood, dance class, tution community) Reach out to self and those around you.
• You can also take this forward would be to apply to volunteer or intern towards this five year campaign.

iii) Are you on campus ?  /  ( Or know someone who is?)

If sexism, rape culture, victim blame/ shame, sexual violence concerns , affects, angers or outrages you, you are very invited to the Action Hero Campus Network: A Network Of Campus Allies Committed To Building Ending Sexism, Patriarchy and Victim Blame.   

iv) Are you associated with an organisation working to end violence against women , girls and individuals across the sexualities/ gender spectrum?

The campaign invites and mobilizes communities, organizations and groups. both in India and globally, to step in and co create this vision. Nominate or add your organization/ community to the Global Feminist Network to End Victim Blame.