After #MeToo

Could a wave be told which way to go? When to pause? Or monitor its force? Locked Tongues. Unleashed.

Yes. #HimToo.

I don't view Raya Sarkar's list as  a methodology to 'name or shame', but instead as a response, a wave, a force. Yes, the wave may have a backlash, may polarise us even,  because it disrupted. But a wave has its life. It will reach new shores, new conversations. New force. New futures.

This is vomit. It has to release itself.

What would be the opposite of not having that reaction. More silence?  Another 'well kept secret' ?

I urge us, to step back and notice this instead. Beyond the 'scandal' of the listed names, it speaks out loud and clear that, institutional systems have often failed to protect those reporting. This needs working. This happening, reveals, once again, it wasn't safe to report. It still isn't safe . Those building it, took the risk of naming their perpetrators and had to be anonymous. Again, I don’t see the list as methodology, but a force that says a truth must to be told.

Most of us may have tucked it all away in long term memory to cope and move on with the everyday. But it isn't forgotten. It finds a way to linger or erupts itself out.I meet women who remember what they experienced days, sometimes months, after a workshop or dialogues held at Blank Noise. We have learnt to shrug, dismiss, blur it out to the point we don't call it out. And then a #MeToo happens.

#MeToo gave us collective permission to remember and share. #MeToo led to catharsis, anger, rage, turbulence, towards both personal and collective healing. #MeToo led many to question 'him', leading to #HimToo . He too, ‘ amongst us ‘, our friend, our colleague, the one of ‘us’ is perpetuating misogyny, rape culture, abuse.

I hear opinions on what constitutes harassment and what does not. This is past opinion.This is the force of raw experiences, rage, and recognising an everyday injustice. Our bodies traverse home, streets, web, campuses,  school, offices, art worlds, play ground, buses, trains, marriages, the television screen , experiencing patriarchy, misogyny, abuse in a range of ways. At Blank Noise we talk about looking, not to say 'don't look', but to question how are you looking? It is in the tone of the gaze. This isn't towards setting a moral code of conduct, but towards creating and enriching collective conscience. This is not about the perceived magnitude of a violation, whose judge is no one, but the person experiencing it. 

At Blank Noise, we talk about looking, not to police your gaze but invite you to look at yourself, looking, doing. Step in to internalise. Conversation has the power to be the beginning and the end to change. It is in the power of equal listening. Beyond opinion.Talk To Me.

I Never Ask For It .

- Jasmeen Patheja

Towards Ending Rape Culture on Campus: 
Step into create an Action Hero Campus Network
https://goo.gl/sbb9Zq

Towards A United Call To End Rape Culture and Blame.
Step into create a network of global / regional / local alliances to end victim blame.
https://goo.gl/gDPns3

Intern Or Volunteer to build I Never Ask For It
https://goo.gl/kT84kc

#MeToo +

This is a shift.

A leap from the silence, denial and shame. #INeverAskForIt

One #MeToo creating space for another to speak, and be heard.

Co-create I Never Ask For It
email actionhero@blanknoise.org

Towards Ending Rape Culture on Campus: 
Step into create an Action Hero Campus Network
https://goo.gl/sbb9Zq

Towards A United Call To End Rape Culture and Blame.
Step into create a network of global / regional / local alliances to end victim blame.
https://goo.gl/gDPns3

Intern Or Volunteer to build I Never Ask For It
https://goo.gl/kT84kc

https://goo.gl/kT84kc

I Never Ask For It : Nagoya International School

* Thrilled to report *

High School Action Heroes !

A pilot programme by Blank Noise, towards building Action Heroes at school; a community of high school students identifying, examining, and building capacity to tackle sexual violence.

Blank Noise licenses I Never Ask For It, to students of Nagoya International School, Japan.

Five, all new, high school Action Heroes have signed up to build I Never Ask For It, Blank Noise dialogues in Nagoya. The programme will run between now until January 2018.

Initiated by their teacher, and Action Hero, Tulika Bathija, the initiative will be student led. Tulika is from Mumbai and lives in Nagoya now. She has worked extensively in the field of human rights and peace building through classroom and educational initiatives. Tulika had reached out , and wanted to introduce her students to the initiatives here.

In Tulika's words:

"I had read about the work that Blank Noise does, on social media. But at my previous school, my colleague, History teacher, when she was doing a unit on women empowerment shared that young boys from my grade 8 class strongly believed that women are sometimes responsible for incidents of sexual violence and harassment. If they are more cautious about the dress that they wear, it is a preventive measure. I have heard of instances where teachers found boys protecting girls on school trips or suggesting the teacher that the girl be asked to change her outfit, adorable! I have witnessed this conditioning first hand. Having seen these attitudes ingrained in children, it only makes sense why the climate of sexual violence exists. Since I came to Nagoya, I also realised that many boys at school think that feminist is a bad word. There is a growing sense of resentment toward feminism as a way of life and ideology. It is also because men don't feel that they are invited in a conversation. More importantly, our school lives in a bubble in Japan. Japanese students are very few; however, the mixed cultural environment -- Chinese, Indian, Pakistani, Portuguese, Dutch, French, American, Canadian will allow a deeper and richer engagement with this subject, with different students sharing their experiences from their cultures, finding commonalities and patterns. And who knows? They might take this forward too in their countries? "

*

Are you in high school?

Are you a teacher?

To create an Action Hero high school, do send an email of interest at actionhero@blanknoise.org

This is a pilot programme and will be offered to schools in 2018

Which Kind Of No, Makes * You * Say Yes To Committing Rape and Sexual Assault ?

In response to the Mahmood Farooqui rape case judgement, where the judge said

Articles and reference

Scroll  , 

16th December. Action Heroes Meet To Sleep. Registration Open

Action Hero Tharunya,  Meet To Sleep

Meet To Sleep will be held on 16th December, 2017.

This is an invitation to all, individuals ,communities, organisations, across cities, towns, villages, countries, identities, to make it your own.

Take a nap in your public parks.

Sleep. Alone. Together.

We sleep to fight fear, through trust and belonging.

In sleep we assert our right to be defenceless.

In sleep we protest.

December 16th, 2017

* I Never Ask For It *

Registration Open. Please take 5 - 7 minutes for this form.

Tell us where you will be in Meet To Sleep , Action Hero-ism, and why!

https://goo.gl/5KqdxL

Incase of any queries, we can be reached at actionhero@blanknoise.org

Yours truly,

Blank Noise Team

* To view past Meet To Sleep events, link

" I will throw it , if you don't take it from me."
Of trauma, recovery, memory.
Stepping in to build I Never Ask For It.
Action Heroes Co Create.

ineveraskforit.org

I Never Ask For It, Exhibit

I Never Ask For It, Blank Noise

Exhibit: Archival Alchemy , Abrons Arts Centre, New York

Photo credit: Steven

In association with South Asian Womens Creative Collection (SAWCC)  , USA

April - May, 2017

Curator, Saisha Grayson Noth

http://www.abronsartscenter.org/on-view/exhibits/archival-alchemy-south-asian-womens-creative-collective-swacc/

* Additional thank you to Action Heroes Bedatri Chowdhury and Kat Leider for participating in a panel to share the I Never Ask For It project at the Abrons Art Centre.

Additional photos:

photographer, Bee Rogers

We Cannot Forget Ragini.

Prince Tewari, son of BJP leader, and panchayat chief, KripashankarTiwari, stalked, and murdered a 17 year old in Lucknow.

https://www.telegraphindia.com/…/frontpage/story_166525.jsp…

1) Why has only, The Telegraph covered this?

2) What is the role of the ' Anti Romeo Squad' , who knew of Prince Tewari stalking and had let him off earlier, with warnings?

3) Prince Tewari believe that he can force someone to marry by stalked and harassing her.

He murdered the person he was forcing, to marry. 

4) Prince Tewari and SonuTewari , hit Ragini, with their motor bike. Ragini was on a bicyle. Prince Tewari murdered her. Ragini's 13 year old sister Siya was with her.

5) There were 50 witnesses, who didn't help.

A witness is someone who has the power to change the story. Each of us, can be that Action Hero.

In Solidarity With Action Hero Lil Bernard #INeverAskForIt

Bill Cosby. Image source

This is why I took so long #WhyWomenDontReport #INeverAskForIt

“ And you, for example, who are sitting here, blaming and shaming me, and doubting me, and calling me a liar, is a testimony of why it took me so long to come out. I immediately started trying to kill myself. I was slashing my wrists. I was hanging myself. I had a network of friends who were saving me from killing myself."  - Lil Bernard

Quote source: CNN video

http://edition.cnn.com/2017/06/15/us/bill-cosby-jury-six-questions/index.html

We are Reporting To Remember, lest we forget, our collective environment of blame, the questions asked, judgements made, in court, by the press, our public memory. Being blamed, shamed and made to feel guilty for our own experience of sexual assault, has led to suicides, affected mental health.

In response to being asked, 'Why didn't you report?' , we repeat:

Bangalore Action Heroes : I Never Ask For It (Post to be updated)

I Never Ask For It , Action Hero Shruti

I Never Ask For

It , Action Hero



Post to be updated
photo documentation from January 2017.
Action Heroes in Bangalore walked the city carrying, I Never Ask For It testimonials,
inviting citizens, individuals to step in and take collective responsibility instead of victim blame.
Bystanders took position as Action Heroes; carrying the garments, bringing in their own, adding to the testimonials and voice shaping I Never Ask For It. 

I Never Ask For It, Montreal

Montreal Action Heroes. I Never Ask For It talk, conference and workshop at Mc Gill University, Concordia University, and a workshop at Studio XX

The opposite of blame is to step in. When we say #INeverAskForIt , we are walking towards building collective responsibility; co creating safe spaces.

2017. I Never Ask For It talks and workshops begin.

Action Hero Campus > Step in to build a safe campus

Action Hero Intern > Step in if you would like to join the Blank Noise internship programme. Application open for summer 2017 internships.

Action Hero Ally > Step in if you are part of an organisation, community leader, and would like to co create I Never Ask For It from where you live
Volunteer/ Participate Action Hero > Step in if you would like to volunteer towards building or participating city specific events and activities( ie show up on the day of action)  

Action Hero Unrelenting Furiosa

Action Hero Unrelenting Furiosa

I have lived on this street all my life. He works as a car driver.

He’s about as old as my father, so he’s a good 20 years old or over.  And that morning I was walking to go get an auto, and go to work. So he turned around and started making kissing noises at me and I don’t know what spurred me on but something in me just tripped. I said I can’t be taking this kind of treatment from this man anymore because he’s also made comments about the size of my breasts several times when I have walked passed him in the past. So I walked up to him and asked him what his problem was. And I told him that don’t you know that irrespective of all the considerations, I am as old as your daughter or your grand daughter for that matter. And this is not the first time you have misbehaved and as usual he feigned innocence. He began telling people “ you’re so young why will I do something like that?”  and I think the worst part of that whole situation was that, of course lots of people stopped because there was commotion, but every single one turned around and asked me why I was making such a big deal about nothing. It didn’t help that this man was old, and looked vulnerable,  but even the women there said “you know what you shouldn’t  pay attention to these things, and you should just walk away, they’ll be like that only. You should know you shouldn’t make so much of noise about little things like these.” So it always starts with the smallest of these instances, they’re going to keep pushing you. They start with comments, then they’ll start with slight touches and they then will go all out. 

And only then will people start taking you seriously when they have evidence or proof of sexual abuse and violation. And what I was wearing that was actually a below the knee level length Kurta with leggings and a sweater also. It makes you feel dirty because somebody is talking about your body in a way that you don’t look at it yourself. And they may not realize it but it instills a sense of fear that if this person is noticing these things about me that he’s also thinking about , (the next thing my mind thinks) is that he’s probably thinking about violating it. So I’m constantly walking around in fear because he’s explicitly expressed his desire or his want to do something with my body without my permission. So you may dismiss it as small, people may dismiss it as little, but psychologically I’ve spent sleepless nights rerouting my paths and rerouting the route I take to work the next morning just to avoid this person, just to avoid that feeling of fear that he put in me every time he said something about my body.  That feeling of self consciousness, that feeling of just feeling dirty because that’s not how you see yourself. That’s not how you want other people to see you.

I was angry, there was so much anger and it actually made me realize that I’ve been harboring silently so much anger that I wasn’t even conscious of until that moment because I was shaking by the end of it.  And we shouldn’t have to suppress those feels of anger so much is what I realized that day. If something makes you angry you should be able to stand up for it , stand up for yourself without having to suppress and walk around quietly . just because there are people around you saying that its not a big deal. It is a big deal and I realized that from the time I was a child these instances and incidents that happen on a daily basis I just bottled up and just caused so much anger that was harming myself by not letting myself express it or not having people who would understand what it is that I was going through

Bangalore.

Step in to be Action Hero.
Co create  I Never Ask For It with your testimonial
Connect actionhero@blanknoise.org
 http://ineveraskforit-testimonials.tumblr.com