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J said...

I live in bangalore. Ive almost stopped feeling unsafe. its almost like my threat detectors are on constant alert. its become a part of me. more over I always carry my weapon, my camera..

im just always always on guard!

J said...

in other words..i dont feel safe ANYWHERE.

Anonymous said...

i feel safe as long as i am not in the outskirts of the city. reason-- it is deserted. generally after 10 i feel it is unsafe to venture beyond 5 kms of ONE'S OWN residence. Yet anything can happen anywhere even in places which are always buzzing with activity. the best example is the rape of a swiss diplomat in delhi, somewhere in the heart of the city in her car by the driver. so no place can be generalised as being a safe place.

Blinkdreamz said...

Everybody must've read about the BPO girl's rape and murder in Bangalore. I wonder if these things will ever change. Some persons will always remain animals,they'll never become humans. And many more animals in the form of humans will be born. Without proper socialization and upbringing,how will these animals ever become humans?! These things haven't stopped in the developed West either,though their numbers and frequency might be less compared to India. But when compared with India's population,that'll look almost similar.

And I also read that Steve Waugh has remarked in his autobiography that if there is an Olympic event for staring, the Indians would win the gold hands down... http://o3.indiatimes.com/AgonyUncle . When will we learn??

I'm not losing hope though!!

Anonymous said...

Let us not insult animals. Animals do not rape, molest, harass.... All forms of violence be it against women, dalits, children, those with a different sexual orientation is an expression of power. Sexual violence is not "lust" or a sexual urge, it is an attempt to control and demosntrate who is in charge.

The BPO incident has had everyone baying for the man's blood. I am not sure this kind of support would have been generated if the man been one of the BPO employees instead of being a cab driver.... And what if the woman had only been raped and not brutally murdered the way she was... would she have got the same support....

The reason i am raising this issue is becasue violence raises the issue of "us" and "them". In the BPO case, it is a woman like "us" who is the victim and a man like "them" who is the perpetratrator. So it is easy to mobilise support and bestow victimhood on the woman and hate the man and demand that he be hanged. If you change this equation even a little, then the complexion will change completely.

We have found time and again that if the woman did not fit the middle- class notion of "decency" and "morality" then she "asked for it" whatever that be- "eve- teasing", molestation, rape, or murder. Similarly, if the perpetrator was a middle- class "respectatble" employed, "family man", it would go againts the woman.

There is already some debate about uniforms and codes of conduct for BPO employees.... unless we begin a process of challenging notions of masculinity, femininity, respectability, we will be going round in circles... and will be capable of only raising rhetorical quetsions with no lasting solutions to ensure safety of not just women but all those sections of society that are vulnerable.

J said...

And therefore we also hear of swiss diplomat being raped, girl on marine drive being raped..

there are several rapes reported? which ones become media stories? why??????

hemangini said...

which ones become media stories. i guess the answers lie in akhila's comment... who does the media see as 'their audience' and likely to be affected by report of a rape? Those stories get played up the most; the editorial logic possibly being that the BPO rape, Marine drive rape, occuring as they did in urban, affluent areas or (of) people will appeal to their viewers, presumably also urban, affluent.

Anonymous said...

Safe or Unsafe...this has been a debate over years. I wonder what goes through the mind of the person who does such things? How sick is his mind? Is his mother or father or sister or brother aware of such actions? How would they react to when they know that their own family member involves in such heinous crime? Being safe or unsafe is not just about streets or public places. When incidents as such happen, media should print the perpetuar's photograph and his identity and question him in public or on TV for his behaviour and assualt? What worse it can be once you are aired in TV /Radio. Indians esp Indian men would die of embarrasment and public ban on them and their family should be done. Atleast this fear of putting the whole family to shame might control his sick behaviour.probably media should publish the identity of such sick people atleast when they go scot free, women and children know about them and take precautions.

Anonymous said...

Archana, by your definition then nearly most men would be sick, isn't it? And to think that only fear of some kind or the other is a deterrant against violence bypasses the main issue. The core issue here is that violence has become a very intrinsic part of most people's notion of masculinity. And in fact it is families and societies which encourage violence in men. So we have to question the basic premise/values that our society operates on.

Yes it is sick that these things happen. But we do not want to dismiss this as soemthing done by only "sick" persons, as an aberration but understand how systemic and deep- rooted such violence is in our society.

Anonymous said...

excellent pc of work

Anonymous said...

In last 5 years, Indians have kind of become desperate for women : Courtesy - the new phenomena of indecently clad actresses floating around in Bollywood. When this was happening in Hollywood, the first thing that would come to an Indian mind on seeing any foreigner was 'A person ready to drop clothes.' With this new phenomena entering bollywood, every Indian female is now being looked upon like that!
Men have just become so sick that they don't even care if anybody (Girl, Girl's parents, friends, husband or whoever) is noticing their stares (rather body scan) on a girl. A decent man can't even take a good-looking wife for a stroll.
I visit India every year, but it was only last diwali that i took my Fiance with me. Least to say - I had a fight on every road with such men.

J said...

every indian female should be looked at at a citizen of this country before one decides to look at her depending on whether she is 'decently' dressed or 'indecently' dressed. what do you mean by the two words decent and indecent? where is the difference? does your wife or a complete stranger adhere to your standards of decency and indecency?
modesty or immodesty? and do women have to be covered from head to toe to claim respect?

while i understand your anger and frustration in regard to other men on the street when youre walking with your fiance, I do think you need to re think your arguement.

one cannot merely blame bollywood or clothes.

What was your fiance's reaction?

Anonymous said...

jasmeen - it is not about clothes that i am referring. what i wanted to refer to is 'how desperate people have become because of growing effect of bollywood'. with indecently clad i am referring today's actresses who are ready to do any roles by shedding their clothes for no reason and be in their bare minimals. Mind you i am not talking about wearing short skirts, off-shoulders etc... Again, its not just about clothes, but the sudden injection of EXCESS dosage of sex in the movies that has had a blatant effect on Indian men. Because it is like a new culture for us and everybody wants to just experience.

I live in a first world country so nudity doesn't come as surprise to me and my other friends around but that doesn't make us Desperate. We do look at girls, appreciate if they are good looking but NOT stare to death.
Re: My fiance, she is pretty good looking and has a nice figure. Here, everybody appreciates and i don't mind her wearing bold outfits as still people have got some decency. In India, she wore normal t-shirts and jeans or salwar-kameez, yet she was scanned from top to bottom like men were dogs with tongue hanging out and just ready to pounce on her. Mind you, i am not talking about going to villages, it was in Delhi and Chandigarh (the so-called civilised towns). It felt so embarrassing that so many people not even bothered for who all are walking besides the girl. She was completely disguted with this and didn't feel secure at all to go outside alone.

What might be interesting for you to know is we have been outside India for only last 5 years and i would say things have changed really badly in these years.

Ignore the fact of just being in India, when i go to places here which are dominated by Indians with loads of them staying illegally (so-called villagers), it is absolutely the same!!

Blinkdreamz said...

While it may be true that deteriorating moral standards and indecency in Indian cinema have had considerable negative effects on both men and women of India,I think it's completely false that indecently clad actresses in Indian cinema are solely responsible for men seeing women as mere sex objects. In places like Delhi and Chandigarh,there are also men/women who browse innumerable Western pornographic sites on the internet and watch Hollywood movies,even that has a say in the changed outlook towards sex. That being the larger picture,I'm amazed,as always, at how Indian men,including Amit,who proudly claims to belong to the 'civilised' society,eventually narrow down upon Indian women's sense of dressing and providing men with 'excess dosage' of sex in movies as the prime cause for contaminating men's minds,who in turn see/stare at women as mere sex objects! So,the final verdict seems to be that Indian women,because of their dressing sense and by providing excess dosage of sex in movies,are the culprits and not victims. It also amazes me as to how all this applies only to Indian men and women and not Westerners!! It may be true that Indian men are not as used to seeing scantily clad women as the Westerners,and may be going through a phase of cultural shock due to changed dressing sense and independent outlook of women,leading them to quench their sexual desires in demeaning and criminal ways. But sexual assaults,molestations,sexual,discrimination of women happen even in the Western countries!! Wherever it happens,it is no justification to divert the blame on women for criminal acts of men. With such flawed reasoning, an Iranian may justify raping a woman completely clad in salwar kameez by blaming her that she was indecently dressed as she wasn't wearing a burkha and as a reason,he was instigated to see her as a sex object! Various societies may have different definitions of what's decent and indecent dressing. In a democratic country like India,women can wear whatever they wish to unless that is considered outrageously indecent in the interest of morality of the society,and that applies to men also. Since we have the same standards for men and women,they can dress as decently/indecently as men do in India. In the event of a woman wearing something a man perceives as outrageously indecent,he should lodge a complaint with the police and allow the law to take its course and not resort to molesting or raping her!!! If he does so,he should be punished according to the law and girls along with their male supporters should fight for their rights and justice! As for staring is concerned,it's no different in Western countries,except that the staring eyes are few compared to India and they stare in a 'civilized' manner. As for treating woman as a sex object,the West is worse than India,they make more lewd remarks,but in a way that the woman doesn't get to hear it. I agree that Indians are still 'uncivilized' and they do not know how to do bad things in a covert and 'civilized' manner.
But one need not worry,Indians are learning that art fast and will take another century to master it as the population is too high!

And I hope people like Amit stop blatantly criticising Indians in general and upholding the Western,so called,virtues. There is more to being an Indian than just a 'non-staring' Westerner. Indians cannot change overnight,India is no West...Patience!

Anonymous said...

where can i get more info?

J said...

right here

Indiafreak said...

Well, I ve been in India for four months and what bothered me most, as a foreigner, is to be stared at all the time.

Except that, no problem... I felt safe even when travelling alone.

Just a few precautions to take. Simple!