" WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"
“ You are not looking decent, I mean you are looking fat, you are not looking very nice, I think you should change."
“ It does not suit you, this dress does not suit you.”
“ Wear what you want! You just want to be leched at right?”
“ Gosh! Look at her, she’s so cheap, why does she bother wearing anything, she would rather be naked.”
“ Dressed like a slut man! Total slut!”
“ Lipstick? I think it’s too much. People will think you’re a slut!”
“ But I was wearing something completely normal and it had frills on the top.”
“ Tie your hair. You must look neat.”
“ Please wear a slip over the bra. Your school uniform is transparent. It does not look nice.”
“ The skirt is too short. You can wear shorts if you like, but not a skirt.”
“ How come you wear only salwar kameez these days?”
“ I was in school, I remember my green pt uniform and the stranger in the bus put his dirty hands in my clothes.”
“ I started dressing more androgynous. People didn’t know whether I was man or woman.”
“ I wear what I want, nothing happens to me, I don’t know why you make such an issue out of this, I mean , why do you want to travel by bus anyways?”
“ This girl is crazy! She is screaming!”
“ Don’t talk back! Don’t you dare answer back!”
“ It was just an accident.”
“ “ What law can stop a man from talking to a woman? Take me to the police station, let me see what anyone can do. I just asked you out for coffee”
“ I think you are beautiful. I have two eyes. I will stare at you.”
“ Why do you look at them in the eyes. Best is to look down and walk. Avoid it.”
“ I carry a safety pin.”
“ I put my huge knapsack in front of me and walk in peace.”
“ But it was only a crush. I was staring at you because it was a crush.”
“ Please don’t do this to me, I am a father of two children. I am sorry I wont do it again.”
“ I am allergic to women in pants. It is against our culture.”
“I have a dupatta?”
I ask for it because I have a body with breasts that I should feel ashamed of?
I ask for it because you think there are good girls and bad girls, decent girls and indecent girls?
I ask for it because you think I am attractive?
Eve teasing it is, a joke, a prank that designs, shapes, structures our daily lives:
Who we are, where we go, what we wear, how we sit, stand, talk, walk in our very own cities. When we demand the need to make our cities non threatening , I don’t expect anyone to think of me as their sister or mother, but to really look at women as citizens who have every right to be out on the streets, without any explanation. Sometimes we just love to walk, stand around, hang around, without looking ‘avaliable.’
Blank Noise Blog-a-thon participants 2006
Technorati tag: The Blank Noise Project blogathon
All those words echoed in my head.. sounded so familiar.. and then i remembered.. i had heard them all myself..
"Sometimes we just love to walk, stand around, hang around, without looking ‘avaliable."
Been there, heard that...
I especially liked what you said about the way it shapes our lives. That's so true and so wrong!
I've just done my own post, and hope you all will come along to discuss things further.
well said. The voice in every girl's mind.
First of all i don't belong to the so called "fairer" sex.
I really know what girls go thru and how bad eve-teasing or rape is. But sadly, i cant buy the argument all the girls are the same and shud be put in the same pedestal or judged in same way. By judging, i dont mean they shud all be asked to justify their actions/dresscode etc, which if i did meant will just only be a Male-Chaunistic thing to do. I dont belong to the MC category (or i think i dont).
I too have some girl friends, who too get offended by the dresscodes of other 'open-minded' females/collegues. I shud also say here that my friends are not of conservative type, they too have grown up in a metro city like Mumbai. But still if they find the 'dress' worn by some to be offensive or provocative then i guess the mistake shud in the part of the person involved. Now dont tell me they were just plain jealous abt the other female and hence made such a comment.
By no means i'm advocating rape or eve-teasing or condemning such persons to go to hell, which is none of my business, but i just only want to say that certain amount of self-restraint shud also be there in the part of girls.
Also, i wud just want to bring to ur kind notice that not all the girls are same, though both u and i wish they were so.
I donno whether this comment will be published in ur post, but i wud really like to know the views of females on this.
great going jasmeen..hope the fire keep growing.
Well , Mr Anonymous. I agree with you when you say not all girls are the same. Not everyone will have the same comfort level as various outfits are cocnerned. However why victimise someone who has so-called 'Weird, provocative" dressing sense. Everyone SHOULD HAVE THE FREEDOM TO DO WEAR WHATEVER THEY WANT? When someone has the freedom to dress in a traditional way, why deny the freedom to a girl who wants to dress in short outfits? I don't agree with you.
Besides, jasmeen....well, these dialgues resonate in my head coz I have heard them all. But well...I am glad many of us protesting against this...it was high time...
Thats a wonderful blog and I would love to see the day it really gets to the point where in a woman dressed to her will hangs around without looking 'available'.
I would like to add one comment wherein, how to handle people from a lower economic class who obviously react in a different manner when they see a lady with short skirt, or visible cleavage....?
If you look at the eve teasing / sexual harrassment episode you will notice this fact about this different social class of people. Is it possible to act against such people....? If so how...?
my post is up for the blank noise project blogathon today!!!
@ jasmeen: I am so glad that all u guys have come together to provide a forum for speaking abt this 'unspoke, unheard, unadmitted' evil.
@ anonymous: has someone ever asked any guy to show any kind of restraint? The same society that imposes norms on women , also encourages men to assert their right to judge, and ultimately exert themselves on women, who do not fit in the "mould".
the bottomline is that eve-teasing is not limited to women who are attractive, or women who dress provocatively. It is something that happens to any woman who is found in a situation where she is alone, and has no means to defend herself. It is a reminder that jus because girls are 'taught' to be sumissive - they should subject themselves to this torture. All - and i repeat ALL - women - have faced it at somepoint of time or another. I guess what we need mor ethan anything else is to educate our society that women ae not ojects - that they arent that different - that breasts are not toys, that buses and trains are not an avenue for expresing pent up sexual desires - that every woman that a man comes acoss - is not a prospective 'prey'.
Treat women with dignity. Thats the only way a man can evr earn respect.
this is great work, encouraging others to speak out about their experiences is one step to help elimate this harrassment.
I have never seen a debate because a man had tucked up his lungi a bit too high...
what r the three vices.wine,women & gamble.So now women come in the category of vices.It means women are weakness for men.Men need self restraint & women need to help in men restraining themselves.The best way is to dress modestly.Now dont tell me that even if u cover completly there are men who lay hands on women or tease them.But you will observe that by dressing modestly.It is better not to give chance to a thief than to tempt him & then tell him you should curb your urges.make it difficult for the thief & the results will be encouraging.Am i making sense.
Good post. I almost had forgotten some of those comments that women often get to hear. But reading the post brought those memories back. My 2 cents about street harrassment up at my blog
Very good =)
I think is this blog and project is the step in the right direction and am proud to be a part of this blog-a-thon :)
My entry in my blog
A male in distant America, I had not particularly planned (in advance) to participate in the Blank Noise Project blogathon.
Belatedly however [while yet still on the official date for such blogging -- March 7], I did end up writing and blogging a tribute verse.
This Comment-link can suffice for project linkage, certainly.
cordially & fraternally,
its interesting because the attitude does not even change when some of these Indian fellas are overseas. They may not catcall if they are not in a big group but they have the art of mentally stripping a woman down to the pat. And its very violating.
annoymous, to respond, yes, some woman may look like they may ask for it. but say it was your sister, would you still want a friend of yours to comment on how "her jugs" (pardon me for my language) she looks like?
its about respect. And chitra has made a very valid point, its about the attitude, not the comments. the attitude that women are meant to be objectified. Until that attitude is rooted out, this business will continue
I'm the same anonymous guy :)
I too agree that women alone shud not be asked to show restraint when such a thing is not asked of the guys. But let us think a bit abt the society we live however filthy, crap or outdated it is. What will happen to a guy who shows no self-restraint and dresses however he wants or conducts himself differently form others. What will the "society" say of him?. They will say he is just one more of those crap or loose guys, and they will start looking after their own business in no time. But let us put an woman in the same situation and now her ancestory, character etc now will be called into question. She now becomes an object of attraction & desire of many who now wants to check abt her "availability".
I guess every1 of us agree that this is really bad, this is partiality or prejudice and it shud not be so. But unfortuntely the society was never an ideal place to live and it will never be. If we want to coexist, then there are some rules to be followed. I know those rules are just a bunch of outdated male-chauvinistic crap. But still they provide a basic framework in which a "most" females can function without any undue hinderance. Even then i agree that some of the rules r totally biased and were meant for subjugating women.
But my intention of this comment was not to discuss abt those rules. There can be no 2nd opinion that they need to be changed. But still i'm not convinced all the women's conduct/intention/behaviour are the same and they shud be put into the same pedestal while discussing the issue. Though i'm not even their relative to comment or bother abt their conduct, it does play a role in determining who gets checked for "availability".
I'm not saying here that all "conservative" girls are overlooked and never experience such a thing (eve-teasing), but it will be minimal. I too have a "conservative" sister and have gone thru the same scenarios before, but it can never be compared to what an "open-minded" or "open-cleavaged" female will go thru.
Just to give an example of what i'm talking abt, In my office too there is one female who fits into the "open-minded" category. As far as i know, she is the one who always tends to get into gossips & stolen-glanced at. There are many others working in my team too, but they never find themselves in such a situation. How can one explain this particular scenario?.
The basic tendency of "most" males is to find a spouse in the template of his mother. That is he wants the qualities of his mother to be present in her. Thats why "conservative" girls score over others in getting marriage proposals. Guys wud always like to check out hot chicks for fun, but never one will be ready to tie-the-knot with her. I guess that is the reason "conservative" girls find themselves at a lesser risk than others.
But i guess the main intention of this blogathon is not why these stuff happens, but the impact of such a crime on women. In that i'm firmly in every women's side and do support their cause.
There can be no explaination for this evil. What i was trying to explain is why such a thing happens. But i was not advocating such a crime by any way. But in trying to advocate women's cause one shud not get to carried away and lay the blame strictly & only on others (males & society). IMHO, there also exists some shortcomings on the side of females which also shud be addressed if such a crime is to be truly eliminated. Till then we will only be playing the "blame game" and not any number of "blogathons" will solve the issue.
I've digressed a lot from the main topic in this post, i hope the girls will forgive me for this.
Now, I guess i dont want to be anonymous anymore :)
It has become quite a big comment that actually i cud hav used it as a post for my own blog :)
To answer ur question i will definitely will try to make sense to my sister abt "how bad a world it is for girls". If still then she decides to do so, then i will be by her side to crack skulls of those who comment abt her :)
But wht will be the case of those girls who dont hav a "super-hero" brother like me, who will willingly accompany & protect her wherever she goes :D
Just Joking Yaar...
I'm not patronising these crimes, but i'm only trying to understand (& also make others understand) why such things happen & how we can avoid them.
When talking abt this topic it is not easy not to bring up the influence of media on the people. Media is becoming such a filthy sleazy thing that it promotes women as "objects" and it is sad that even some of the women tend to buy these arguments. They find it cool & "in thing" to be like the celebrities hailed by the media. Who doesnt want to be the most hot & fashionable?. But in blaming the media we are only playing the blame game without anyone talking up the reponsibility. Afterall "media" caters to and provides the stuff what the majority wants (or it claims so). It has become some sort of a cycle, people wants sex, media provides it, as media provides it people want even more of it, media obliges and the cycle continues. It is demand-supply chain. Some of us shud take the reponsibility to break the cycle. We shud be able to stand up and say "we dont want crap and we will not stand it". Then again the demand-supply chain will come into picture but in a positive way.
Just to clarify, the 2nd anonymous was not me
thats my 1 paisa worth :)
hope it helps awareness and the new generation to treat women with respect.
Baap re baap//urban blogathon ee bote.... ebar ki juddho hobe naki feminijim hobe...naki aro sando eshe bochon debe birat birat...post mod gochher?
As mentioned in my post thanks for giving us te opportunity to share these nightmares...
I guess only by openly discussing the problems we face can we strive towards eliminating all the problems that has plagued our society.
I just want to add that now after reading the posts of other bloggers i found it to be really shocking & depressing that "most" girls go thru & hav to put up with such stuffs in their life. For males like me, some of them are really unbelievable. How can one imagine or dream abt a 7 or 10 year old kid getting harassed or molested?. But it happened, happens and will happen if left unchecked.
I appreciate the courage of the bloggers (females) for not getting bogged down and for putting their hands up and letting their voice heard out loud.
Sorry for posting too many comments. I have included a link to the blog-a-thon in my blog too.
I'm a guy, but I find girls who don't wear the 'attractive' clothes unattractive, no matter how cute/hot/blah they are. I don't think it's a problem with the women. They aren't provoking anyone. It's the men who are getting provoked and molesting these women.
Any girl no matter what she wears should carry and know basic self defense. Knives(yea, stab, don't care), pepper sprays are a must. Keep a cell and a condom(in the unholy case you get raped).
I hate these a$$h0l3 molestors. It makes all girls be suspcious of men, all men. I don't blame them. I'm suspicious of men too. All men.
I've rarely been as proud to be a part of anything as I am of this blogathon. Here's my two two annas worth !
You guys are doing a fantastic job!
Anonymous said: "I know those rules are just a bunch of outdated male-chauvinistic crap. But still they provide a basic framework in which a "most" females can function without any undue hinderance."
The fact that anyone thinks they provide a "basic framework" for society in which most "females can function", is, I'm afraid, the exact reason we find ourselves in this position today. I do not want to "function"! I can "function" if you put me in a box and give me food and water and a chamber pot!
My own post is at: http://writeside.net/blog/?p=48
jetru, i hear what you are saying, but i'd say that your role, as a guy, should be more to educate men than to tell wimmin how to protect themselves. Otherwise it just sort of feeds in to the culture of fear and the whole "things would have been different if you just...". You know, blame the victim. Also, unless you are talking explicitly about pre-teens, may i suggest using a term other than girls? Language is a powerful tool... of oppression and liberation. Not to single you out, just thought i'd bring it up.
here's my contribution to the blogathon. There was so much to write about that i could decide. So i went with a more "poetic" piece (as least as far as my blog is considered). six words i want to say
my contribution , cudnt figure out the way to add to the tag . so here is the link to the post
Murali - you say "what r the three vices.wine,women & gamble." This is objectifying women, suggesting they are things for the taking, just like alcohol or card games. Sexual harassment and violence against women boils down to just that: seeing women as something "other" than human, something less than men. Suggesting that the way a woman dresses or acts means that she's "asking for it" makes about as much sense as saying that if a man is walking down the street and gets assaulted and robbed, he was "asking for it" by carrying a wallet.
I've never been to India, but I have many Indian friends. From speaking with them, I realized that Indian women didn't have as much social freedom as American women, but I never thought they were physically assaulted so frequently. Although American women are still victims of harassment, assault, and worse, the verbal harassment is not as prevalent as it was prior to the feminist movement of the sixties and seventies. I certainly don't fear walking down the street alone the way my mother would have at at my age; if a man ever said something lewd to me, he'd have his hands full, because I have a mean left hook!
If women (and enlightened men!) fight back against this as you are doing, by spreading consciousness and seeking justice, eventually your legal system will have to take action... if I were on a subway and a man grabbed me anywhere, let alone a "sexual" area, I could have him prosecuted for physical assault. Although men can still make as many rude comments as they want (freedom of speech), they run the risk of being assailed by the victim, other angry women, or even other men! Any responsible, morally-upstanding man would be outraged about this behavior... case-in-point, I found this blog from a male blogger's link.
Nobody (including men) is free until all people (including women) are free.
How women feel about harassment on the street has been well explained by, I think.
I am a guy,I play safe, and I also believe that one should understand their strengths and weaknesses and behave accordingly. In the end it is a power game, and if you are weak, you lose.
Currently, women are weak - or there wouldn't have been any harassment and there wuld have been no need for Blank Noise Project.
Your rights are there only when you go to court. So If you don't want to do that, it is only natural to play it safe. So play safe.
Men are not going to change, let me assure you. Best case, you can have a situation like in the West where men don't grope you all the time, but only mentally strip you. For the harassment to stop, there has to be true equality in power. This blog, or education, or culture, or upbringing is not going to change that in a long long while.
Hi..this is a really cool thing you gals are doing. We need to be more aware and confident to stand up for our right to walk proud, safe and pretty! Here's my contribution to the blogathon: http://rtd2.blogspot.com/
women are harressed even when they wear 'burka.'
To Murli again. Have a look at Burka and harressment here.
I support the cause and add my post here http://archanabahuguna.blogspot.com.
Here is what DesiCritics wrote:
A lot of interesting, articulate and thought-provoking articles have been written so far! I'm glad this worked out well.
Keep up the good work.
The 2nd anonymous comment was not by me :)
I'm sorry that u got offended by the word "function". I didnt meant it mean what it did mean. It is rather due to my limited english writing skills i had to use such a stupid word.
Just to make sense of wht u said, "Women get harassed even when they wear burka". Where did it happen? Pakistan? Afgan? Iran? Iraq?
Just to make sense of wht u said, what will our sex-pervert "friends" (???) in those countries do? They hav to contend themselves with harassing women who wear "burka". Please note that i'm not siding with them. It is just my 2 cents.
Also i never said that "conservative" women dont go thru this evil. There maybe (are) psychos among us who dont pay attention to whether some one is "conservative" or not. When they r in "mood" nothing will stop them. What i wanted to say was it will be minimal & maybe rare. When i was mentioning "conservative" i was just talking the language of probability. But there can really be no explaination for a 5 or 10 year kid getting molested. It is definitely a crime.
As Jetru said, women shud definitely learn to defend themselves when they are found in such a situation. Even others (males) like us shud stand up and voice our support when they are in need. But it can only be stop-gap solution. The real solution shud be found somewhere else.
I do apologise if my comments tend to offend any of u.
My supporting post.
hi jasmeen...do drop in on my blog to see my support to your endeavour. Lets keep the fire roaring. Way to go. *applause*
"What i wanted to say was it will be minimal & maybe rare."
And what I am trying to say is, it is random and unconnected to what one wears.
Haven't been able to put in my two cents but for the little bit I could do, I have put up a link to your fine effort!
My last comment (DWSblogger ID I think) seems to have not appeared. How come?
I odn't remember anything nasty enough to be censored in it..?!
Or did it just vanish somewhere into the depths of blogspot.com never to surface for air again?
This goes back to puranas ,epics & Gods etc.Did u ever notice that a women was stripped in a famous epic & there r temples which depict sexually explict pictures.Why the hue & cry now. Women are mens desire no deneying that.they dont mind exposing their bodies in beauty pagents & when u question they say its for a noble cause.First they should correct themselves in manyways & then fight for whatever they fight for.U cant have both.i will walk in skimpy clothes but u should not look anywhere except my eyes & admire my beauty.
I wish every visitor at blank noise to read this. Outrageous stuff, although the author confesses that it is partly fictious.
I wasn't sure if this would count or not, but I still wrote it. After reading so many of these posts, I feel like I have so much more to say, but this will have to do for now.
a blog I read and also yours took me down memory lane...when i was in school and college and had people come up and say weird stuff, grope, try to pick up (at public places that too) and not knowing how to react, bec getting back is the last thing on your mind at that time...the comprehension of the words/act, the embarrassment and the guilt come before the anger, rage and need to hit back...
and when one goes to a city like delhi, you just need to numb your senses- gawd how they stare! Rape of the x-ray types...you can just look at their faces and follow their eyes and the smirk to know what they are thinking...blatantly sexual all the way! In that sense Mumbai has still managed to be relatively far more safe...
yet, no matter where you are, you 'have to grow up and fast' with the reality that you are now an object - of desire, love, lust, fantasy.... but an object- that will be viewed, tested, felt and more- irrespective of who and what you are. Also immaterial to what you are wearing...Its wonderful to be a woman and be alive...a pity that one must also think this way.
Here's my contribution to the great initiative
I have covered the often ignored issue of marital rape.Hope it serves the purpose of educating people.
The fact that you insist that women should dress in a specific way (what's the word, conservatively?) shows that you believe that any instance of molestation is at least partly the fault of the woman. (assuming of course, that it is a woman getting harassed. I assume that men who get harassed should wear full sleeve shirts and sweaters, eh? Specially in the summer.)
See, that's the main problem here, isn't it? It's never the "victim's" fault. That's why they're called victims!
Of course, even though there is an absence of actual statistics, I'd say that dressing "conservatively" would actually have the opposite effect.
Why? Let me explain.
1. Street harassment in India seems to be a bigger problem in Indian cities, than say in London or NYC. I think you'll agree with me about that. The testimonies seem to make it clear, at any rate.
2. The observation in general, seems to be that this results from women being a lot more afraid to speak out against harassment in India. Even female friends apparently encourage a victim to not "make a fuss".
3. So men take this fact to mean that if they try something, they're probably going to get away with it. Less chances of being punished, means a higher probability of doing something wrong.
4. Women in modern clothese are considered to be more "open-minded", and so more "modern in their thinking".
5. Women in "Indian clothes", are supposed to be conservative, traditional, shy, perfect bhartiya nari, etc.
6. Being more "modern", a girl in jeans would probably be perceived to be more likely to retaliate. After all "these girls have no shame". Don't you think?
7. A girl in a Salwaar kameez, on the other hand being the "shy type", would probably be perceived to be more likely to keep quiet about any incidents.
Given these facts, don't you think a potential molester would probably choose someone in "conservative" clothes, over someone who he thinks could call for people to beat him up?
Think about it.
Of course, the funniest statement I've read on this topic is what "Jetru" said.
Keep a cell and a condom(in the unholy case you get raped).
I think the term "ROTFL" was made for statements like this. If a girl is being raped, I guess she's supposed to tell the guy, "Wait, I have a condom!"
Btw, I forgot to mention, I've written a post for this too.
Unfortunately, This Is Not Fiction
Hi, please correct the link to my blog on the list (under "Shilpa") - it's spelled blosgpot instead of blogspot.
The correct link is http://shimmeringmercury.blogspot.com.
This's my belated contribution.....had a lot of college work to do!
As globlasiation is taking shape this dirty Indian groping culture comes along with the pacakage of Indian minds.We need to take steps to stop it before it take firm grip in our countries.Brakes should be put on this cultural invasion
To all those who feel women should dress modestly, go to Singapore or The US or many parts of Europe and try the same tricks or the same argument and see how many days it takes to get behind the bars, even if the women is wearing what you consider 'immodest.'
I agree with what u r saying. A molester anytime will always choose the "best" girl with whom he can get away with molesting. It doesnt matter whether she is a "conservative" or "modern". "conservative" girls make the perfect prey in this case in the very sense as they are conservative.
thanks for pointing it out.
we will be making the changes shortly
i am new here and i cant find the basic stuff on the main page. i would like to know what targets have been set by the project and how do you (or rather we?) go about achieving them. any links? :)
Frotteurism is a disorder in which a person derives sexual pleasure or gratification from rubbing, especially the genitals, against another person, usually in a crowd. The person being rubbed is a victim. Frotteurism is a paraphilia, a disorder that is characterized by recurrent intense sexual urges and sexually arousing fantasies generally involving objects, the suffering or humiliation of oneself or one's partner (not merely simulated), or children or other nonconsenting persons.
For treatment to be successful, the frotteur must want to modify existing patterns of behavior. This initial step is difficult for most people with this disorder to take.
Behavior therapy is commonly used to try to treat frotteurism. The frotteur must learn to control the impulse to touch nonconsenting victims. Medroxyprogesterone, a female hormone, is sometimes prescribed to decrease sexual desire.
Its actually mental sickness which requires treatment.
Frotteurism is a criminal act in many jurisdictions. It is usually classified as a misdemeanor. As a result, legal penalties are often minor. It is also not easy to prosecute frotteurs as intent to touch is difficult to prove. In their defense statements, the accused often claim that the contact was accidental.
I can always suggest an experiment. Put ten girls into a crowded bus in salwars and ten in mini skirts and we shall know the truth instantly.
Wanted to post a detailed counter point to your comment, then later posted it on my blog.
wonderful effort. what about a chennai chapter, would love to start one in my city...
I am a Pakistani girl and I lived in my country for several years during my teen years. I am presently living in Dubai. Unfortunately because of the huge south asian population low-level street harassment is growing even in Dubai.
The Causes of Street Harassment:
Every south asian person (men and women) I talk to agrees that street harassment in India and Pakistan is the result of Bollywood films since the early 1990s showing the aggressive pursuit of women in the street. Middle and lower class South Asians are addicted to Bollywood films and the heros are their idols and role-models.
As they receive no education about how to treat women the films fill up the void in their minds.
When I have been harassed I find that the men usually imitate phrases, attitudes and even sing songs of characters played by actors like Govinda or Amir Khan.
I asked my mother if this scale of harassment had been there for her when she was growing up in the 60s. She said no and that they didnt dare act like this. The Bollywood films of that time showed a decent courtship between two consenting persons. Men on the street minded their own business. Whether a girl wore a sleeveless kameez or a burka.
In Pakistan, the lower class men would actually stop whatever they were doing and stare at a passing female until she was out of sight. This was the case whether I was wearing western clothes (top with jeans), my school uniform of shalwar kameez & duppata or casual shalwar kameez. If they are in groups they would laugh and pass comments even if I was with my mother. In bazaars they try to brush past women.
In Dubai the labourers, delivery men, etc sing love songs as women pass by or shout cheap comments.
Indians and Pakistanis labourers go the beaches and sit fully dressed and stare at the women swimmers. I feel personally disgusted and really ashamed of my countrymen when I see the reaction of the other nationalities. I know that Americans and Europeans are right to make judgments. Our people are hypocritical perverts.
In Dubai not one Filipino, Chinese or European man has ever behaved like this. I strongly feel that India and Pakistan need to take stock of the situation because our men are getting a reputation. In most of the cases of molestation reported in the newspapers the perpetrators are Indians & Pakistanis.
Our governments need to take SERIOUS steps to educate the common man to stop harassing women.
I have been harassed whether I was wearing western clothes (loose top with jeans), my school uniform of shalwar kameez & duppata or casual shalwar kameez.
I have seen college girls in Islamabad/ Pindi wearing chadars and still getting harassed. There were two dutch girls that were assaulted in Lahore in the late 90s even though they were wearing shalwar kameez!
What is wrong with wearing a miniskirt in summer or a swimsuit in the water?
In summer men take their shirts off. Should women start pawing them?
Why is it that you can sit in a swimsuit in Spain or Italy and no man bothers you?
A man with a truly decent and normal mind (Americans and Europeans) would be able to see a woman wearing a swimsuit as simply being functional. You cant wear jeans and a t shirt in the water!!!They are not thinking about sex all the time.
what next? we are all fired up. how do we carry forward this momentum?
Why is it that a lot of the male commentators either on this post or on their own blogs seem to have this (very mistaken) notion that a woman's clothes seem to be the cause of the trouble?!
I'm at a loss at what to say to these guys,except that none of their loved one's experiences what we do. But then, we KNOW that's not possible.
To these guys I say, ask your mum, your sister, your wife or girlfriend, a 'shy' female colleague (who dresses 'Indian' - that seems to be the criteria) or just your neighbour next door - does wearing a salwar kameez, a sari or (as outrageously suggested somewhere) sindoor in your hair work as an antidote to roving hands?
The answers may surprise, shock and (hope against hope) make you share in the anger that women all over India feel, usually, silently every single day.
As much as i wish this change, i see no signs of it happening in near future with explosion of media undermining the male-female relationships more than ever. I only hope as time changes the outlook of relationships evolve to be more mature and this would change.
So How about using some form of defense ? How about we encourage more girls to carry a pepper spray and learn to use it ?
For those who are not aware of what pepper spray is(as i was once) , Pepper spray has a chemical which is known to cause severe irritation to eyes of the victim when delivered froma pressurized container similar to the aerosol can's in which deodorants are delivered. I am sure there are some stores which sell it in India.
Girls in USA carry it all the time. Even though over here it is used for defense againist crimes which are something more than just eve teasing.
Anybody wants to lead a discussion on that ?
Well done on this project, I think its an issue that needs to be raised, specially out of the blogosphere and into the national conversation in India.
You have support from British Indian bloggers anyway:
As they receive no education about how to treat women the films fill up the void in their minds.
PakGirl, you have a point there. If your mother says that men were not like this, then perhaps there is something to blame in the Bollywood way of wooing girls. Its not the early 90s BTW, even in the 80s, it used to be the same. Even a Shammi Kapoor has done what can be termed harassment.
...In Dubai not one Filipino, Chinese or European man has ever behaved like this.
Filipinos - I dont know much about them. Would refrain from comment. Chinese - the Chinese culture is a very formal one, and culturally, harassing a women woud be tough for them. Not too many excuses can be found in the Chinese culture. Europeans - now we are talking. They are not obsessed eabout every piece of leg or cleavage they see on the street - because they are used to it. Their sisters wear underwear at home often as teens, they have screwed around since they were 12, they go to beaches and often find skinny-dipping normal. Why would they be obsessed abut a bit of skin here and there on the street? They too have the male gaze - though that's different from harassment. And in case you want sex, you can get it without fear of police raids and court appearances in the West in most countries by just going to a brothel. Not so for us in India or Pakistan. When you have easy access to sex even for a loser with 10 $, harassment becomes not worth their while. (I am not criticising or complaining about the West - just observing. I am neutral about their culture.)
...There were two dutch girls that were assaulted in Lahore in the late 90s even though they were wearing shalwar kameez! -- Hey, white-skinned foreigners in Salwars or even a sack are considered fair game on the street.
...What is wrong with wearing a miniskirt in summer or a swimsuit in the water? In summer men take their shirts off. Should women start pawing them? -- Women are not the pawing type, men are. Remember that language came to man only recently, civilization came much later. In fact, for 99 % of the life of homosapiens, using force was a natural means to sex. Kill the man, screw the girl. All this is new for our brains. And all this is not about what women or men SHOULD. We SHOULD all be courteous and polite and not kill each other too. And this SHOULD be paradise. Forget the SHOULDs. The question is more about how to fix things, not how they SHOULD be. Or RIGHTS. You have practically no rights if you cant implement them. PLease try to find a way in which you can change people, not a speech about who SHOULD do what and SHOULDNT.
...Why is it that you can sit in a swimsuit in Spain or Italy and no man bothers you?
See answer above.
Clothes are not THE problem. It is an added cause, one more reason for the harassers to do what they do. Not the Only one, or the most important one.
I have a female friend, who claims to have never been molested or groped. She is successful in her profession, and wears western and Indian clothes.
The solution, for her, is to be safe. She won't travel in crowded buses, will get up if a man sitting next to her looks like trouble, will keep car windows closed, wont walk through crowded railway stations or dark alleys.. don't ask me how she manages it, but she does it.
So if the immediate problem is to stop the harassment, you can do it. Perhaps. Maybe its just a matter of luck. If the point is to moan and complain, this blog is a perfect platform. If the point is to talk about your rights, keep doing it to no avail. If you want to fight back, learn martial arts - though it wont stop the harassment, it will help you hit back. If you want to get rid of the problem, you are talking about at least a decade of work in educating and sensitising the next generation. All of you would be old, tired and have given up by then, I assure you.
:) my dear anish aka dance with shadows. the point here is to change the attitude. it doesnt appear to be something that can be done overnight. if we do get old and tired and given up, i atleast hope even if 10 people change their minds it might make a difference to 10 people.
and congrats to your friend. but i am looking forward to a time when she doesnt have to be play safe and stop doing things.
just wanted to thank you girls for getting this started - i had my doubts about it doing any good, but we've got a debate going here, and that is the first step.
and oh, i also wanted to tell the last comment-leaver this: yes, we're talking a decade or more of work. We may be old, tired and sick to the core by then, but we better not give up. Think of our daughters.
thanks annie, and thanks for your powerfull post too.
change takes time, right now with just the blog we have people all over the world writing, opening debate spaces to the issue of eve teasing
We sow, we reap.
Great project. We'll link you to our blog. Women everywhere need to be protected from harrasment.
I am very late, I know. But here's my support to the project:
dance with shadows is a group blog - so this is not anish, and its pretty easy to find out who.
Annie and Jedi,
Annie, your post was heartbreaking - and despite my objections to some of the pointless attitudes I have seen here, I believe that in the end, if this blog helps a few people think differently, that can only be good.
One person to come up with a clear connection between movies and harassment. Your mom's statement that there was much less harassment earlier shows that something has changed - and perhaps we have something clear to point fingers at. But then its a moving target - Bollywood movies are stepping away from boy-harasses-girl-to-fall-in-love and into vampishness and easy sex...
Hope the debate turns up more such specific stuff which we can act on right now as well as stuff we have to work on for a decade or more.
I'm a woman in the UK and all I know is that women the world over are the 'sex class'. Doesn't matter which country, which continent...what customs...woman = sex.
And I know is that we're all sisters.
It's patriarchal ideology we have to overcome; and we have to overcome it together. It's not us women who have to change our way of life; it's men who have to change. Men have to recognise and respect the dignity and itegrity of female human people.
If they don't....well... I think we might just leave them behind...which is what will inevitably happen to dwsblogger with his 'shit happens - you gotta live with it' attitude.
IT IS NOT OUR FAULT.
We have a movement going one here, sisters....
i m up in arms with u gals, i myself am ashamed when friends or close relatives keep on staring at girls as if they are up for display. I support the cause!!!
hi This is Swetha from Chennai. Read this blog, must say set me thinking. yeah the term 'eve-teasing' makes the act look like a petty crime. as a member of the media and most importantly as a woman, i feel strongly about the issue. read through the campaigns, initiatives in mumbai, blore and delhi. now, what about chennai? think there is a great need for such awareness and awakening here too. chennaites, listening?
You have to patriarchal ideology, agreed.
I think women should be careful not because it is anything great, its purely for survival, till the revolution happens!
You have high hopes for a women-against-men battle where you will leave men behind.. This is one battle you are not gonna win if you don't take 50 % of the population with you!
Anyway by the time you win/ lose, neither you will live nor DWSBlogger - so perhaps it is a good idea to try and convince the 'enemy'.
Sisters? Sooo quaint and feminist.. Appeal to the brothers.
Say you sisters stick together, and the brothers stick together too. If its gonna be a battle of the sexes, you stay exactly where you are. If you assume that the brothers dont give two hoots about the problems of the sisters, that is exactly what you will get.
I shall modify that to 'Brothers and sisters, we have a movement going on here..!'
nothing against chennai or calcutta
we beleive and this blog response states that people all over the world experience eve teasing-
we would like to work across cities and meet people who want to initiate it in their cities
what would you like to start from chennai? its open to you to think about and get in touch with us
meanwhile there are campaigns that one could inititate from their cities- we will be posting that bit soon
for now, could you collect clothes for the DID YOU ASK FOR IT campaign?
do keep in touch
Really appreciate the effort being made here. Our cities are undoubtedly one of the worst for eve teasing.
This change has been long overdue and has a lot to do with mindsets rather than anything else.
Thanks for letting the world know about Asian men & women.
Now tat we know we can decide to go or not ot go.
y go & get groped
I'm glad someone has taken this initiative. I live in Mumbai and I grew up thinking that we Mumbaikars are open-minded and sensible and that I would never ave to face harassment.
My first unfortunate street harassment experience was when I was coming back from tutions. I was wearing an oversize shirt and baggy jeans, I'm fat and I'm just 15; yet this distasteful man took it in his mind to follow me and grope me at the street corner. When I told my boyfriend about this incident, this was his reaction:
"So he groped you, nothing else happened, na? Big deal."
This is the reaction we get? Do men even know how humiliating it is to be treated like an object??
ahhh yeahh i dont get it.
ive never ever heard of eve teasing before.
possibly because i was born and raised in the states.
all i know is that if anyone ever said anything to me or grabbed me, id punch em in the face and uh..theses girls should do the same.
i went to india and i wore jeans all the time because i refused to change who i was because i was in a country that has prehistoric rules on what women can and cant do that are just ridiculous.
While I agree that eve-teasing is a problem [ there probably isn't a single woman/girl who hasn't faced it ], what I don't agree with is that the above is giving the idea to people that all this happens only in India.
It happens everywhere. All over the planet - even in the US. I don't intend to sound negative, but apart from handling each situtation on your own and individually, I don't believe we as a society can do much about it. There's just too much apathy.
There will always be men who understand [ or at least try to undestand ] how women feel when molested/mis-treated/eve-teased/raped. They will inculcate values in themselves and their children to not follow that behavior. At the same time, there will always be men who will never learn. For every man who understands, there are a hundred who just don't get it.
So instead of feeling "dirty" when a woman is raped/molested/eve-teased, get the bastard punished, don't EVER blame yourself, move on and if you ever come to a situation where your interference might save another woman, step-in.
They are not obsessed about every piece of leg or cleavage they see on the street - because they are used to it."
Even when European men were not used to it back in the 50s and 60s, women who decided to wear 2 piece swimsuits when first introduced in the 50s or the miniskirt in the 60s were not harassed daily and publicly. There were laws to punish sexual assaults and those laws were enforced.
Also DancewithShadows you clearly have not been to Europe or the States. Its not what you see on TV. Apart from London or LA in the summer, you would be hard-pressed to see droves of girls wearing halter tops or minis in the English counties or the US midwestern states. Its just that in the UK or US a girl who does decide to dress that way in a conservative town, will not be subjected to daily large-scale and publicly tolerated harassment. Period.
Also you ignored my point that Asian men harass women even when they are wearing chadars, etc. SURELY THEY ARE USED TO SEEING WOMEN IN CHADARS AND SHALWAR KAMEEZ??!!
"[European men's] sisters wear underwear at home often as teens",
Again this a gross exaggeration based on what you have seen in some Hollywood movie rather than reality!!!! Hollywood does not equal a typical American family. I have American and British female friends and they certainly have never run around in their bras and panties in front of their family!!!!!!
"they have screwed around since they were 12"
Again a bizarre generalization. Some euro/us girls become sexually active at 16 or 17 (not 12!). A lot of women (and men) stay virgin until they get married or engaged (famous examples : Jessica Simpson, Katie Holmes). Again sexual activeness in London or LA will be different from UK counties or US midwestern states.
"And in case you want sex, you can get it without fear of police raids and court appearances in the West in most countries by just going to a brothel. Not so for us in India or Pakistan."
By this point, I'm not sure if you have ever left your home in India and Pakistan. THERE ARE BROTHELS IN iNDIA & PAKISTAN!!!!! Cheap ones too !!! I know of servants who've visited brothels in Lahore (remember Heera Mandi!!!!), Pindi, etc. Also I know of female servants who've had long running sexual affairs with men in their village or mohalla. Sex is available through early marriage as well. So lack of sex is not a reason for the harassment women undergo in India & Pakistan.
"they go to beaches and often find skinny-dipping normal".
Yes european men find bikinis on the beach normal because they are rational and realize that if the men have to strip down to briefs in order to swim more easily then the women have to do it too. As for skinny dipping, out of a hundred euro/us friends, I know of only one girl, yes one, who skinny dipped.
"Women are not the pawing type, men are"
No man would agree with you that because he is a man he is biologically more inclined to molest than a woman is!!
Do you have medical evidence of this? Do men have a scientifically proved higher sex drive than women? I can think of plenty of women who prove otherwise.
The lawmakers are and have been mostly men. If they thought that the desire to molest was normal in a man and abnormal in women, rape and sexual abuse would not be crimes.
"In fact, for 99 % of the life of homosapiens, using force was a natural means to sex. Kill the man, screw the girl. All this is new for our brains."
I guess this may be new for the Indian and Pakistani man, whom my American male friend described as "neanderthals" with respect to the way they behave around women.
In case you didnt know, the world has progressed by a couple hundred millenia. Its the reason why you are not being killed by dinosaurs, woolly mammoths or even by a fellow human being who needs to eliminate you because you are a competitor in the food chain. Its the reason you can enjoy listening to the Backstreet Boys instead of hunting in the freezing cold or blistering heat. Its the reason your mother still cooks and cares for you for way longer than a prehistoric mom.
So please dont revert to the caveman theory or else you have to give up all of your other "unnatural" modern comforts.
Finally, instead of lecturing me on not saying what "should or should not be" in my post. Read it carefully next time! My post described my experiences, not what I think should or should not be. I also gave a useful practical suggestion that our governments need to take steps in our education system to deal with this. You agreed with this.
Also be rational, you can only desire to fix the current situation when you first visualize how things should be. Obviously!!!
This in the end is a tangent - I never said clothing is the primary reason. And if one goes by all your reasoning, then what could be the reason for the harassment in India? Only laws? or genetics?
"Even when European men were not used to it back in the 50s and 60s, women who decided to wear 2 piece swimsuits when first introduced in the 50s or the miniskirt in the 60s were not harassed daily and publicly. "
How do you know? You were alive then? Neither was I. As far as I know, harassment was there in every society, and things became better in Europe and West over a period of time. Concepts of individual freedom and noninvasive society were there in the West from Renaissance. History books tell me things were pretty bad before that in Europe.
"There were laws to punish sexual assaults and those laws were enforced."
So? Obviously. And then what?
"Also DancewithShadows you clearly have not been to Europe or the States. "
Been there, done that. And thought it was a better society too - even with the underwear visible everywhere. Especially so for women. They can let it all hang out without fear of harassment. I honestly prefer that to our society here.
"Its just that in the UK or US a girl who does decide to dress that way in a conservative town, will not be subjected to daily large-scale and publicly tolerated harassment. Period."
Also you ignored my point that Asian men harass women even when they are wearing chadars, etc. SURELY THEY ARE USED TO SEEING WOMEN IN CHADARS AND SHALWAR KAMEEZ??!!
This point has been debated a thousand times by many above this post. Nothing more can be added to all that. Answers have been given too.
"I have American and British female friends and they certainly have never run around in their bras and panties in front of their family!!!!!!"
Very good. You have a moderately conservative bunch of friends. Of course its a generalization. But its no big deal. If you read more on the Net, you will come across articles by women writers on how they revealed their vagina to their kids to better accustom them to the female body (do a search in salon.com). Not a big deal there. I am not accusing them of anything either.
"Some euro/us girls become sexually active at 16 or 17 (not 12!). A lot of women (and men) stay virgin until they get married or engaged (famous examples : Jessica Simpson, Katie Holmes). Again sexual activeness in London or LA will be different from UK counties or US midwestern states."
Statistically proven, yesterday my female friend was telling me about how two 7-8 year olds were making out in a bus. Big deal, again. Why not 12? Maybe 13? Doesn't matter. A lot doesnt mean majority - here, except in cities, men often dont have sex till they get married even now. Obviously they are repressed.
By this point, I'm not sure if you have ever left your home in India and Pakistan. THERE ARE BROTHELS IN iNDIA & PAKISTAN!!!!! Cheap ones too !!!
Dangerous in India. And humiliating. It takes a minimum amount of gts in India to go to a brothel. Pretty much legal in many European cities. Dont believe what men in India say.
"Yes european men find bikinis on the beach normal because they are rational and realize that if the men have to strip down to briefs in order to swim more easily then the women have to do it too."
Very good. Precisely my point. We are not rational in India, and are horny instead.
No man would agree with you that because he is a man he is biologically more inclined to molest than a woman is!!
Truly. What wuld he gain from admitting so? ;) he'd much rather admit hes sensitive and cries often.
"Do you have medical evidence of this? Do men have a scientifically proved higher sex drive than women? I can think of plenty of women who prove otherwise."
Biologically more aggressive and prone to physical violence to get what he wants. Check statistics of men in jails.
In case you didnt know, the world has progressed by a couple hundred millenia.
Sexually and morally, men in India haven't.
Mostly, your own arguments are worse than mine. You have accused Indian and Pakistani men opf the worst behavior now!
Screw the government. Laws are of no use unless they can be implemented.
If we can have a sexually liberal society, the problem would get better slowly. However, a sexually liberal rational society does not come about by creating laws. It takes time, and even this debate is a contribution towards that.
Caveman theory? I think its the only reason here. You yourself have ruled out everything except better laws. Let me tell you, rules already exist. Nothing happens.
You should carry video cameras and record the men who say these things.
I am a little late here, but admire and respect what you are doing. I will blog about it, too; can't hurt. It makes me furious that men are not instilled with more respect, not just for the women that they abuse, but for themselves, that they would not be ashamed of themselves for acting in such a degrading and debased way. Self-control and good manners. . . it's really not that difficult!!
So what do you expect? India is a primitive shit hole. I've spent enough time there to know that indians are one of the most obnoxious groups on earth. It's a beautiful country, but the people suck. It's that whole caste system - i.e. I'm better than you idea.
your initiative is quite inspiring. although it doesn't do anything to directly punish the disgusting creepy characters, atleast ppl are more aware and hopefully women wont feel forced to shut up and tolerate abuse!
Hi, I must say I am horrified by what women have to go through. I have plenty of female friends who have told me about their experiences, but I never really thought it could get so bad. This is an eye-opener, and no matter what anyone says, this movement is definitely serving its purpose. There will be many who say "she asked for it", in fact I have heard more of women saying that, than men, which is kind of sad; but they are ideas stemming from ignorance and cultural conservatism, something that'll take time to eradicate. More than anything else, I think whats lacking in these people is EMPATHY. Hopefully, such movements will help.
Oh, and to note something interesting I read recently - if you think you are in a situation where you might get raped by person who is physically stronger than you, please do not fight, this will only work against you. Instead be a bit more tactful about it, make the aggresor feel like you have given in, so that when he inevitably relaxes his muscles - you can give a really hard kick on his groins. Trust me, no matter how strong a man can become, a hard kick on his groin can render him weak and immobile, and in extreme pain. It is said that most women who die when raped is because they opposed the intercourse. Remember, men who attempt these things are generally stupid or drunk - take advantage of this fact.
And to my fellow men who eve-tease - please, we live in a free world. Lets just respect that fact and act responsibly about it.
men are civilized animals who still have untamed instincts. u gotto be fearless and stare (with an eye contact)back at every man with a courage , which makes him lower his eyes , not you.
Now I can understand where in so many cultures women wear burkhas. It's a lifeline for them especially in countries like Afghanistan. But still it shouldn't be made mandatory by the government. Women should be allowed to have a choice.
Now I can understand where in so many cultures women wear burkhas. It's a lifeline for them especially in countries like Afghanistan. But still it shouldn't be made mandatory by the government. Women should be allowed to have a choice.
I have heard these sentences umpteen times.. The last few sentences: I don’t expect anyone to think of me as their sister or mother, but to really look at women as citizens who have every right to be out on the streets, without any explanation. Sometimes we just love to walk, stand around, hang around, without looking ‘avaliable.’
I am v sure these thoughts run in every women/girl's mind
Repressed Indian males?
Educated but stupid?
uneducated and inexcusable?
Just horny pervs!
A kick aimed at their nads may solve the issue - somewat :)
I could never hope to understand the trauma women are forced to undergo just because of their gender. Most men do not understand the amount of damage their action bring upon on the victims. I for one respect women and hope that all men understand their responsibility to respect the opposite sex.
Thanks for these posts. I've never been to India and the Indian women I know here in the states certainly have never given me any idea what women in India must suffer (and no wonder they don't view it as fun conversation). This is a fight that must be fought on the global scale by all humans. Keep it up.
I think that's called Rape Testing in the rest of the world.
Eve-teasing is a social evil and not limited to India only (FittaymooN). Other South Asian countires like Bangladesh, Pakistan and Sri Lanka are not immune to it. Spread the word to other countries and try to get women from all over South Asia involved in this campaign. I am putting it on my blog today.
I think you ladies are diluting your fight by adding trivial things to eve teasing. If looking at a woman or asking her out for coffee is to be construed as eve teasing, then I doubt you are going to find too many crusaders for your fight. Do you really mean to say that you have never checked out a hot looking guy (or girl as yr persuation might be). Fight the important battles against people passing lewd remarks or groping. Looking, hmm...
Indian society has a lot of growing up to do and fast. Pardon the pun but yes us males are dicks and do tend to think with their dicks, But when the thinking becomes action as has been mentioned on more than several of the blog entries, well let me apologize for the male race for being the pricks that we are at times.
Lets hope and pray that the future eradicates the ignorance, every person should be treated with respect, that should be a basic human right……...
Its only getting worst by the years...we have to take a stand at when we face it then and there.
Featured on Blogher.org today. Please add your blog to the blogrolls.
You're an inspiration.
Thought I'd let you know that this was featured on Boing Boing, http://www.boingboing.net/2006/03/11/indian_women_blogger.html, Violet Blue, http://www.tinynibbles.com/blogarchives/2006/03/dude_wheres_my.html and Mark Pritchard's blog http://www.toobeautiful.org/blog/2006/03/indian-women-blog-against-sexual.html. Good on ya!
Here is my post for the Blank Noise Project
Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women. ~Nicole Hollander
My Views about the project..
also posted @
I do agree to a great extent that how it can be very sicking!
I would be lying if I say I can understand coz i cannot!
It definately is a major challenged which is faced by our society!
not just geography specific, but its more specicfic to mankind.
There ARE various complex and inter-related causes to this socio sexual problem!
I believe ( and yes this is a personal opinion), then men are like this not exactly and always consiously like this.
I, myslef have experianced sexualy pangs ( driven by the hormones..i suppose ) which have at times lead to think, ( well, never behave, thank god) in ways in which i would normally not..
its somthing, which i can claim, that women also Can Never
I speak strongly coz it a major challenge faced by human beings at large.
This challenge of SEXUAL tensions is not new and we are all aware, of prostitution as among the oldest professions.
I am sure there are various schools of though for the topic,
But the sad part of life is that everyone in the world is correct from their point of view.
the situations in which they were at that point of time, and the mind frame they were in led them to do what they did!
A social/thingking revolution is one thing that we may attempby discussing these issues and trying to think of a solution by changing perceptions/ideologies and thought patterns..
How will yo tackle, the basix human( Read MEN and WOMEN) physical construction?
They way the chemicals and the mind in the bosy interact and react to bring out action...
I think Evolution needs to catch with the speed of change of our society...
please find my two cents at
I know I am quite late for the blogathon but anyways here are my experiences
Keep the fight against street harrasment on.
It's not about what one wears. It's about POWER! Men want to feel good about themselves, so they make women "less than." Too many people, women included, believe that women are not as "good" as men, so things don't get better.
It has nothing to do with what you wear - even elderly women and small children are sexually abused (even raped). It has nothing to do with where you are - it can happen anywhere. It has nothing to do with the time of day - it can happen at any time.
It's about an attitude. An attitude that men have no responsibility to control themselves. That women are responsible for the actions of men. It goes back to the "Adam and Eve" thing. Men who blame women for verbal, emotional, and physical assaults are lying to themselves so they won't have to see themselves for what they are - abusers. Talking and writing about these issues means that socities will have to deal with the issue. What is not acknowledged will never change.
Unfortunately, no movement will advance if there's no outside help. In the U.S., for instance, whites were involved in the black civil rights movement, and men were involved in the womens' civil rights movement. Involve the good men in your countries. There are men who understand that the assaults written about here could happen to their mother, or sister, or daughter. The men who understand that all women are worthy of respect will join with women, and help advance equality for all.
Your American Friend,
Another step to kill a civilized society of India . Yes the modern supernakh arrived at India and allready working to kill the Insititution of marriage system .. good.
A long time i aksed to all those so called women well fare orginasation , when some one abuse your mother and sister in the road what you will do ??
At the same time , when a dishonest daughter in law abuse your age old parents , pregent sister , what you will do ??
No .. no answer till date , as per indian law , a women can be punihed only when they support to a man , but let her do all the cirme including verbal abuse , mental harrasement , economical abuse , multiple adultrate realtionship , for that forget any punihsment there is no provision of a small warning .
21st century women .. sounds good , but the way this men vs women fight started , let await for 22nd century where there will not be any difference between a human and animale .
Good luck to all male hater , as all the 600 million men are rapist and all the 600 million women are sati sabtir !! Am I right ??
Here's my take on it. Don't know if you got my mail earlier. Thanks
has been an eye opener to all .... have got a lot of people speaking... thats a creditable achievement... and you have got enough male's voicngtheir support as well. too late i know... yet here's my support... check it out.......
Great going gals, and guys who support us. I used to think something was wrong with what I wore, that I was somehow asking for it. Till one day in Madras... I was dressed in a salwar kameez, dupatta neatly pinned, walking to my school bus stop, when someone from the bunch of guys sitting on the culvert said - "Do you think she's wearing panties under that?"
That was the defining moment for me - it didn't matter if I was pretty or not, indecently dressed or not, men owned the streets, and they would not use every opportunity they get to humiliate women.
That said, I'm happy some guys are coming forward and commenting on this blog from their perspective. We do need dialog to get this menace off the street.
I used to think it was my fault too, till one day when I was in 11th standard. I was going to school, dressed in salwar kameez dupatta, head bowed, books held close to my chest as added protection.
When I passed by a bunch of guys, one said - "Do you think she's wearing panties under that?
That was my moment of illumination. I could be pretty or ugly, young or middle aged, sluttily dressed or not. Men owned the street and they had absolutely no qualms about humiliating anyone as they saw fit.
That said I'm glad there're men coming forward to this blog.
My 2 cents
This is Nikhil here. I think that we can approach schools with blank noise. After all it is the very place from where eve teasing starts first of all. We should try to talk to school students and try to make them conscious of the problems. Any takers?
why should only our gender have all these limits and restrictions on the things we do..basically our lives! it isn't fair. and if anyone needs an education it's the community as a whole. they need to quit being hypocritical and start taking some serious action. i would like to help out from chennai.
The link to my blog( yamini) doesn't work. Could you fix that please?
thanks for making me say which inside hurted so much.
here's my feelings on all this... i didnt write it for this, but its recent and about all this. great effort. bol.
Instead of just link to the home URLs of bloggers, can we have the links to their blog articles on this subject? As its pretty difficult digging out the blog on this subject from the tons they have on thier site? Please??
I'm not a blogger but I'm an avid blog reader.
i attended the meeting in delhi today.
and here is my penny's worth.
really great..so many people are bothered about it..
i'd just like to add few points...
1.i dont see any reason behind people supporting dress code.. except hiding their own experiences of surging impulses under them and of course inability/unwillingness to control.I seriously see no issues in people peeping around in less clothes/no clothes or whatever...its perfectly fine, if they wear t-shirts in chilling winter wind just to heighten their sex appeal...i wud rather enjoy it..
2.its really difficult to decide who likes to be stared and who does not..its not a good thing to feel victimized..i mean many girls/boys like to noticed/stared/commented,
and its difficult to draw a line for every person u see...
3.yea boys! personal choices oughta b respected...if someone has trouble in getting commented/touched/stared..then u needn't go an extra mile to do so..
4.plz dont blame the male fraternity for rape..they are just neurotics...if women had the power balance in their favor..i dont think they wuda skipped the chance..its an issue with govt...
5.and a warning..
if u think that by protests we ll be able to awaken the rationality in the mind of people..
then we are making a false assumption,people seldom decide by ratinality and conscience..even more breezy assumption is that they will do it in streets..no way...people decide mostly on single basis..i.e to avoid trouble..they know that u ll also avoid trouble by not retaliating ...so, if u decide to create trouble for them..u ll be able to make them avoid eve teasing..howl,scream,slap,dont try to act sophisticated if its really bothering u..u can even take help of yr bf/bfs/just good friends/brother/daddy to beat him..
if u are with all girls/alone..just walk bravely and try beating that guy..many people will join in...and then u might slip away like scenes of comedy movies..or u can stay if u wud like to make many unwanted caring friends....
Reading through the comments made me really depressed so I felt the need to post this. I took a ciggie break a few mins back and all I was thinking of this (holding my head low all the time, lest I would look at a girl).
Being an "average" guy I have "checked out" girls countless number of times. Though I look at them when they are not looking and if they look back I pretend I was not looking at them (it won't affect them if they don't know about it, right). I am sure most guys have done this (regardless of weather they are Indian or not). Why is this such a big issue? The more sensitive you get more hurt you will be. Sometimes we all have to tolerate things (or course there is a limit to everything). By looking I don't intend to touch you or rape you. But if I'd known if affects girls so much I surely would have tried not to look. Why can't girls accept guys for what they are (I am talking about the regular guys like me who look but don't touch)? Do you think guys outside of India don't stare at pretty girls? You looked pretty and caught my eye, so I looked at you, no harm intended. What's wrong with this?
That said, I can also see this from a girl's point of view. I do like attention but would hate getting stared at all the time in public (especially if its sexual in nature).
And don't think guys have never faced sexual harassment. When I was a kid someone tried to feel my groin as going through a crowded train compartment. Of course it felt humiliating and I am sure it would have even more humiliating if I were a girl. Another time when I was even younger (around 8-10 years) a man (probably in his 40s) showed me and some of my friends (including 1 or more girls) his dick. But because of the shame we never told anyone. Anyways, my aim is not to gather sympathy. Just want to say that I somewhat know what sexual harassment is about.
To those who are comparing Indian men to US/European men, I don't think it's a level playing field. Indian men don't have molesting girls in their genes. Indians are brought up differently. Since childhood we are not given enough exposure to opposite sex. There so many girls or boys only schools. Even most co-ed schools have separate seating for boys and girls within the same classroom. It's the same in public places, temples, transportation, queues, religious ceremonies, etc. Girls are still told by their parents to maintain distance from boys. Remember, I am talking about the majority here. If your growing experiences were better, good for you.
All this makes boys think of girls differently, as a different group of humans, not their own. Not being able to interact with girls makes them indifferent to them. And at the same time they are attracted to them. But because of the unnatural society created barrier they suppress their feelings which comes out as sexual harassment later in their lives. I strongly believe if Indian men had more interaction with women (their age) in their bringing up they would respect them more and we would have fewer cases of sexual harassment. What Indian society does is raise boys and girls separately and differently, like cattle. What you see is the consequence.
BTW, the above is not meant as excuse for crimes like sexually molesting and rape. Just wanted to give a deeper perspective of the problem which lies in the society.
I read some comments on how the world would be a better place if there were no men or ask "sisters" to unite. Well I can assure you that "brothers" might also have a better life if there were no females ("No woman no cry"). You cannot "fix" the problem with views like these. In fact views like these *are* a big part of the problem. Don't make it "us" against "you" or vice versa. We are still the same species with the same amount of intelligence. Let's not try to prove otherwise :-) .
That's all I have to say for now. I hope what I said made sense as I am not too good with writing.
Well I hope this blog helps. lookin at a wider aspect of human nature without getting involved in what an ideal society nd ideal law adminstration means.
I believe in most places where society is corrupt in most aspects of life, law n order situation is bad, predators nd prey are abundant,sexual satisfaction is absent.Ppl behave accordingly.
This creates another problem or benefit? at home. Men have mastered the art of controlling nd treating like property in pocession, girls. They treat their sisters nd wives to show they need protection.
History shows the puzzle can be easily solved by removing any of the favorable conditions. Not sure one problem fixed generates other?
Reduce sexual hunger. This has worked elsewhere.Sexual satisfaction helps social development though it can be achieved by other means too.
I wish this blog works nd i m proven wrong but i doubt only this can go far enough.
Tutorials for Men :- Latest Updates from the Women Front... the link below....
Tutorials for Men :- Latest Updates from the Women Front.
The link below.......
haha nice way to vent your feelings if those teasing boys had females who cared for them they wont be this way , iam a man , i have been with guys who tease girls ,in my perpective boys dont know anything about a girl or women till he reaches a stage where he understands the life of a women till then he is as curious as you are about a man.men dont accept they dont know abt women, if they accept still they dont try much too learn abt women , so is it with women.This uncomfortable talks , eve teasing .....will come to end on a day when parents treat a girl and a boy child with same idea or vision .... to make them good humans ..... iam telling you as a man ,men are as helpless as women are......some ppl might not like my comment sorry for inconvinience.
Hats off Womenfolk Iam really happy to see that this drive is finally happening. Women get harassed no matter how they are dressed. I used to flare up with anger everytime i saw something like that happen.
I remember summer of 1994, my own expereince of with such horrifying incident when I was standing at the Madras Central station
a a man masturbated in front of me from a train rest room which was right across the station . I was speechless and horrified and
wanted to kill that man . I was so ashamed to relate this incident to my husband who was away that time. It took me while to return to normalcy.
But I think just by mere feeling disgusted is not enough with the advent of Internet and cameraphone technology, photographing and
disseminating pictures of street harassers in newspapers Internet, so that harrasers can be ashamed of themselves.
Over time, initiatives such as Firegrl, The Street Harassment Project, and HollabackNYC have developed to call attention to and combat street harassment in U. S too. Projects such as The Blank Noise Project and Hollaback make use of this strategy in combating street harassment
I guess some things are typical throughout the worls doesn't matter if they are Developed or developing countries .
i wish this project gets 100% success. with the arrival of camera phones it was just peverts taking pics in public and posting the pic along with their fantasy in it. it is time to turn the table. nice idea to use the same camera phones to expose these peverts. my suggestion is more than just posting on the blog it has to be neatly made into a forward and send across in mails. i am sure at some point the mail will reach the pevert itself. there are whole lot of craps moving stupidly as forwards why not this for a good cause. and by this more people will come to know of blank noise project too. just think on what i said.
Eve teasing has made me detest walking on the Worli Sea face promenade when its crowded. It feels as if your walking completely exposed. It interfered with my peace of mind.
Such are the effects of eve teasing; you cannot even walk freely in your own city!!!!
This movement against this crime is great work!!!
I WANT TO DO MORE
I have been there too...
My two cents..
it took me 17 years in the city to begin feeling at home. feeling safe. wanted to share..
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