The photograph has been readjusted to make the 'perpetrators' unrecognizable. Blank Noise seeks to build dialogue about street sexual harassment and is not attempting isolate any one person or incident. (2009)stalker no. 1: " Excuse me, have we met before?" machlee: no Stalker no. 1: Yes we have! On commercial street! I work in a call centre. I am a science graduate." machlee: why are you telling me all this? stalker no. 1: can I have coffee with you? machlee: can i photograph you? stalker no. 1: yes! sure you can! stalker no.1: blah blah blah
79 comments:
Eh, should we not consider the possibility that maybe he just wanted to get to know you? I mean, some men are shy and will resort to stalking and stuff just to be able to talk to a girl. India has a conservative and repressed soceity and some guys have never had experience of talking to the opposite sex freely.
shy guys are supposed to blush while being photographed, no? look at this man, is he "shy types"??
what do you mean?
You have to define some limits for what you consider harassment.
Are you against physical harassment or mental harassment? if the second, you are treading on territory where everything is difficult to define.
He has not said one 'dirty' word in the conversation (from what you describe). An approach is unwelcome, only if the reciever disapproves, and there is no way to find out unless you approach.
I agree with the larger issue - but when you get into details, how is this different from the 'can i buy you a drink?' There are probably several movie heroes who got their lady loves by worse approaches than that of your stalker.
I suggest a narrower approach, than something like 'let's fix all things nasty about men'.
Just shows how conservative a country India is and how big losers Indian girls are. A stranger accosts for coffee and they say its eve teasing.
if the same conversation had happened on F.r.i.e.n.d.s you and stalker no 1 would have slept together by now.
why go so far. if this was a party of 'like minded people' (the three C's Class, caste and city) you and no1 would at least be good friends and hey i am woman.
and if it were in the Hindi movie we would be married.
the three C's Class, caste and city) is a good point...something we do discuss at our meetings.
But the point is that there is a VAST difference between wooing and sexual bullying. attraction and violation.
Someone told me, the street is not a sexless space; true, but when I say no, dont get in my way, or no I dont accept your wooing, I mean NO. That has to be respected.
At other times, 'he' maynot even be wooing. Just a sexual bully...its just for 'fun'
Your 'fun' is my violation. it is a criminal offence.
I agree that there is need for a change in attitude...
but the primary reason is the way these "stalkers" were brought up...
There is a difference to a guy from a Co-ed and a guy from a Boys school.. it applies for gals too..
So plz form a guideline on how to distinguish ppl...
Plus posting photos of "stalkers" in a public domain without their permission is not acceptable...
If he was charged guilty thane u can...if not u might be playing with a innocent guys life...
Be responsible for every action u ppl do...
but if the problem is with 'bullying' and 'violating' then one has to seperate this from the act of looking. The politics of the act of looking cannot be that easily transposed onto the legal debates concerning sexual harrassment in public.
hi Jasmeen,
How are you?
Anyway, i think if the guy asks a girl to come for coffee, girl can simply say no if she is not interested. And if he still keeps haggling you then it's serious. No ?
Cheers, Rohit
well, how do men approach women then?
This guy didn't grope/smooch/tease/whistle/stare/pass comment/pull dupatta. Nothing.
Well, womens' sexuality can be very fragile. Or is it misoandry?
She clearly said no and obviously didn't want him to continue, yet he disrespected her clear boundard. It's not up to you to dissect the situation based on a blog post. The people there have a much better sense of what fully occured. Humans have communication on a much sublter level than the words we speak, even beyond obvious body language (micro expressions).
If you are confused as to why this is the beginnings of a stalking, I suggest you do some long hard self-examination, b/c it is. Women, too.
Here's a clue: No means No. No thank you means No. It does NOT mean "just keep bugging me and in the process make me feel uncomfortable".
Women's sexuality isn't that fragile, but women have been raped and killed for at least 5,000 years because pigs think it's okay for men to keep pressing on even after a woman makes it clear she's not interested. And it can often escalate from a pushy guy.
I bet every woman alive on the planet today can tell when I guy's being a perv. I often roll my eyes to myself "oh boy, here we go again....."
This is a nice cause , but u guys are wayy to much in this case.How the hell is askin for a cofee eve teasin?
@Anonymous:
if this was a party of 'like minded people' (the three C's Class, caste and city) you and no1 would at least be good friends
Yeah, right, we might be. Or on second thoughts, we might not be. It is our choice whom we say 'yes' to and whom we say 'NO' to. Just because I might say 'yes' to a carbon copy of stalker 1, doesn't mean I need to say 'yes' to the stalker. Maybe I ama sucker for class, caste and city...so? How does that mean that I need to change my tastes to suit the stalker's taste?
To sum up, for people like you who don't understand, it is MY choice. And oh, a NO is a NO...get it?
@prakash:
the approach was fine...but to continue asking, when clearly he understood that she was not interested...is not fine.
That's what this post illustrates...hope you get the point.
@Tony:
If he was charged guilty thane u can...if not u might be playing with a innocent guys life...
Just 2 questions:
Is the guy really 'innocent'?
Do you know how a minor incident of sexual harassment changes a girl's life?
For me, anyone who harasses a woman sexually, in any way, is guilty.
you, girl, are particularly sad. the guy asked you for coffee... why you try to expose him as a molester? sort out your life first.
Have a look at this movie fragment. It' s dutch reporter for a travel program. The subject today is : a western girl in Iran. At the end of the fragment she is harassed by a swarm of iranian boys; touching her tits and butt as she says herself. A policeman is saving her from the boys but starts to touch and harass her himself! Creepy and much more severe than 'eve teasing' in India!
http://dump.geenstijl.nl/mediabase/2076/c5418384/index.html
Sorry, I don't speak your language but in Holland we always say.
Laat ze maar allemaal de touwtyfus genieten.
Good luck with your blogspot and kick th estalkers between their balls.
Regards from Amsterdam.
thanks!
hi,
the netherlands and holland are one and the same country. Diffirent words same meaning.
The link is:
http://www.telegraaf.nl/buitenland/46122511/Indiase_vrouwen_bestraffen_handtastelijke_mannen.html
Goodluck with your battle!
thanks for the link!! am linking it to the blog right away!
well done a great link and dutch woman support you all the way
take care and all the luck in the world l wish you from the netherlands
caro
I want to send all my love and respect to everybody working on this site.
Its a good thing you make this a topic! Respect is what everybody deserves!
Love from the Netherlands
Just kick those Fucks in the balls.
Become a ball knocker.
Just do to them , what they do to you!
Greetings from Holland.
Nothing beats an Indian girl, we should make some large exchange program, here in Europe men have been domesticated by women longtime ago, and are now like lion in a zoo captive of their own libido surrounded by women which have no idea what they want from men. Yet I fear the scarcity of women in India will withhold us from the very pleasure...
Hi,
I'm right now Holland, living here for a while. When i was in India i was also really fed up from these types of guys (mens), jab ki meh kafi choti ti weha par mager tab bi asse comments sun aur jhale chuki ti, "inko kooi feeling nahi ki wo girl/ lady keya soche gi inke barre meh.. aur assi girls par keya assa hota hai...aur jab inki sisters ko kooi asse hi chaire or comments pass karre to phir inko achi khasi mirche lagti hai.." Regards, Arti
Hey,
You should take this guys snap off this site.
You are making a joke out of him by posting his snap on your blog.
I do appreciate the initiative you ladies have taken, but I believe that you need to be more sensitive in your approach.
What we all need to address is the bigger issue of harassment, mental and physical; eve-teasing is just one aspect of it. Masquerading as the 'machlee' and baiting guys who may or may not all be participating in eve-teasing is certainly not the way to go about it! There is a thin line between where your attempts at exposing eve-teasing ends and your indulgence in harassment of the 'adams' begins! I hope you will take due care in all your further attempts...
Asking out someone for a cofee is not sexual harrassment.. you should remove this guy's photo from the page...
Suppose a girl asked this to a guy, what would we call it??
I'm from America and I agree with Jasmine (Jasmeen) here.
There's a difference between a man (or a woman) approaching a woman (or a man) and trying to strike up a conversation, getting a positive response from the object of their adoration, and then asking them out for coffee or whatever to continue the conversation.
But she CLEARLY told the guy to buzz off and he STILL kept at it. It is a form of harrassment.
Once you get a clear "no" from someone, time to move your ass the hell out of the way!
There's only so much of this type of behaviour a person can take until they start posting photos on the internet.
By the way, great ideal. I'll be carrying a camera around with me the next time I go to India.
If I know about this before you would have had like 100 photos on here just from me! That's how prevelent harrassment is in Uttar Pradesh and Delhi.
As for this case, I think the girl should be firm and careful and yet not presume the intentions of the guy.
I feel exactly the same way that many others do. The guy's only been a li'l persistent, and that cud be the result of being nervous while approaching a girl. He's not been lewd or rude at all.
This girl could have calmly explained that it was just not possible for her to get together with him, and not to take it personal.
Because, for all you know, this guy cud sure be a decent, respectable person working in a call centre, earning his own living with a perfectly fine background trying to get to know a girl, and to get all hyped about something so little and to publically brand him as an eve-teaser for thousands of people to see is so totally unfair and biased.
I'm all against eve-teasers, but if this guy ever decides to take legal action against you, I'd back him.
Be careful what u put on here guys. It's a good cause no doubt, but don't get carried away!!!!
I commend the efforts of BNP. Here's where I think this particular post treads grey area. She asked the "Stalker" why are you telling me this? to which he replied that he'd like to ask her out for coffee. this is a conversation that can be construed as totally harmless. after all he approached her politely, not offensively. we are living in liberated enough times that it's allright for someone to approach us and ask us for coffee, and we ahve every right to turn the offer down too.
I have a good idea;
Instead of just taking fotos, carry a small tape recorder with you and the next time something like this happens, tell the guy that you are a reporter writing an article for the newspaper about the CONFUSIONS OF THE INDIAN MALE REGARDING WOMEN AND HOW TO WOO THEM.
But BEFORE you do that.... make sure to politely and sweetly ask him his FULL NAME, RESIDENCE AND PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT. After he tells you that, then whip out the recorder and ask him if he'd like to give his view on the subject and inform him that his full name and information will be included for authenticity.
See if he still hangs around or takes off like a bat out of hell.....
well jasmine i agree that he offer to have coffee with you.but it depends on gals body language and dress code which make guys to talk gals.if you have proper dress code,no freaky guy gonna ask you for coffee or Tea.so only this guy is not at fault could be even you.
Rambo
as a woman i understand how annoying and frustrating it can be to deal with unwanted attention, of the kind from this man, but this is NOT sexual harassment, he is just too unsophisticated .. i feel very strongly about the issue, and was about to volunteer my services for the project, but i am not sure any more .. because i agree with the guy who mentioned the three Cs -- this is a class issue ..
And to the one who wrote:
"Why the hell do you want to ask a girl on the road , a stranger, for a coffee if you are a saint with no ulterior motives ??
It's for the same reason a stranger at a bar offers to buy you a drink, a guy at a dancefoor starts dancing with you (why doesn't he dance with other men?), a man sitting next to you at a jazz concert strikes a conversation to see if there is a chance of a relationship ..
Come on women, grow up, if you are truly emancipated, you would have made friends with people (of course, of your class) who were total strangers when they first met you and just struck a conversation in a bus, at a concert .. i have, and they turned out to be thorough gentlemen ..
what you are doing here is illegal, you are defaming a man who faces no police charges .. what if someone with an axe to grind posts a random picture tomorrow ... it could well be your brother .. even a criminal gets a chance to defend himself
in the name of decency and maturity, please take off this picture.
I am a male living in United States. I like the idea of this Blog it sure creates an awareness in India and will warn the Pigs out there who think they can do anything they want just because they are men.My suggestion is you ladies should do something that can create awareness and that shows men that women are not Toys. They should learn to respect them like they respect their Mom and Sister.. or i guess they do that too. Either way men should change their attitude. And you girls should carry a Camera, a voice recorder and sure some pepper spray and if needed carry a Long stick to kick some ass. You have my full support. Good luck. No regrets when you get rid of some of these animals off the streets.
Rahil Khan (rocky1234u@yahoo.com)
stalker no. 1: can I have coffee with you? machlee: can i photograph you?
-----
I feel this is harrasment on both sides, one asking for a coffee, and the other asking for a photograph.
By the way we do have laws to tackle both in India, one is IPC 354 (sexual harrasment), however the incident as stated here may not qualify for it.
However the other one relates IPC 498A that of defaming may be more easily implicated, that is if the person shown complains to any law enforcing authority. Such defamation shouldn't be done even by an authority let alone an individual before the person is proved guilty through court.
My sincere advice would be to remove the photograph before the person comes to know about it, you may have a place holder without revealing the identity of the person. Also it would be advisable to take the help of law rather than take "law into your own hands", which is itself an offence.
best wishes
correction : that Sections 499 to 502 of the IPC to replace IPC 498A in my previous post
hi
i would like to know how the "machlee" would react if it was shah rukh khan who said those lines. or if the guy in the pic looked like hritik/brad.
and i think the point is well conveyed with the dialogue lines.
why the pic?
the objective of the discussion is not the one singular guy in the pic. but some people in the crowd.
i think u should be clear on that.
I cannot believe how self-righteous some people sound!!!
[[i would like to know how the "machlee" would react if it was shah rukh khan who said those lines. or if the guy in the pic looked like hritik/brad.]]
Is that not the whole point? It is upto Machlee to decide whether the guy is a 'Shahrukh' or 'Hritik' of her dreams.
She said 'No' - and the whole saga should end there. Should women have to justify how they react to a man they like, versus vermin on the street?
To Anon/similar posts: Does the rejection hurt you so much because you have been similarly rejected?
And puhhlease, do not compare this with an innocent invitation for coffee - having lived single for a longer part of fifteen years in the West, I do know that men in the west look for greener pastures if you show disinterest - even in more personalised settings. And no, I don't know anyone who has been approached for a coffee/drink/sex just off the street. I just wonder from which caves these neanderthals appear!! I have to give it them - they do have the gall to just walk up to someone who has not made ONE SINGLE eye-contact: flirtatious or not, build any kind of 'I like you' connections, ask them out for coffee and GOD! INSIST upon it!!
The whole problem is inherent owing to stupid Hindi movie take for generations - 'the girl says NO, but means YES'. Well grow up Mama's boy- she does mean NO. Like a Sociology professor told us once in our class - You could have taken your panties off and if you still say 'NO' it means a NO. Get it? JeeZ!!!
And about the picture on the street, beleive me, if the picture had been posted by me it would have shown this scowling idiot bruised badly. No kidding, I used to do that 10-years ago and I still have a score (with enough reason) everytime I visit India.
'Is that not the whole point? It is upto Machlee to decide whether the guy is a 'Shahrukh' or 'Hritik' of her dreams."
u mean to say the same words if spoken by somebody she liked wouldnt be offensive?
isnt that what i said?
nobody is arguin with her right to chose shah rukh. its not the discussion.
the discussion would be larger, serious issue of where to draw a line between just persistance and lewdness. beleive me i can say the same above lines in 4-5 different moods and ways without offending anybody.
so lets discuss what abt this is offending? why cant we address that angle.
(1) this sudden /un welcome intrusion into her privacy?
(2) the unappropriate choice of location for the offer.
(3)cliche approach?
(4) his body languag and the evident lewdness in them (missing in the conversation lines)
(5) any intention of physical abuse he may have.
(6)
or how a person should react to that?
he could be just persistant, for all u know.
Coffee , yes that should be banned, I knew it all the while.
The point here is (at least from the post) that she did not say no. She did not say I don't know you, please get out of my way. She did not say I dont have coffee with strangers... When he asked her for coffee, she said can I photograph you. What else did she want to do photographing him if not putting him on a post like this to make people laugh at him.
She could have easily said no thanks, I'm not interested.. and then if he insisted or said something nasty she could have taken action. You'd be kidding yourself to think she would have had the same reaction had the question come from a cute-looking guy.
He sounds like he deserved at least a proper answer (assuming he's talking "properly" to her.. which seems to be the case from this post..)
For heaven's sake, it's like most of the commenters didn't even read the post. "Why are you telling me all this?" is pretty clear; she finds this random stranger spewing verbiage at her inappropriate at least. He keeps after her anyway, which is definitely harassment.
And those of you talking about what he "deserves" need to get over your gargantuan senses of entitlement. Random strangers who get in the way of people going peaceably about their business don't "deserve" anything except to be told brusquely to get out of the way.
She doesn't even say "No" to him. She takes his picture and calls him a stalker because he asks if she would have coffee with him.
And those of you talking about what he "deserves" need to get over your gargantuan senses of entitlement. Random strangers who get in the way of people going peaceably about their business don't "deserve" anything except to be told brusquely to get out of the way.
So far so fine, but they definitely don't need to be ridiculed by having their pic posted publicly. As someone stated this particular incident is a gray area. There are two sides here - his and hers. You are trying to establish his intentions and her perception. Both subjective. Subjective judgment. However posting the pic is like passing a judgment.
Just because you have been harassed by 100 guys before doesn't mean you pounce on 101st guy and declare him to be guilty by association with your past experience.
Based on what is written there is no way to establish guy's intentions. There is no way to establish the girl's sensitivities. Given that there should be some rationale moderation and guy's pic removed. Otherwise a good cause will come across as zealous over reaching. If it were USA, this guy could have sued the girl's ass in the court for defamation.
-Kamal
If I was thiz guy, I would have sued you and brought down thiz blog.
This might not classify as eve teasing, although we do not know what the intentions of the guy could have been. I agree without bias that there are zillions of @#$$% eve teasers out there, but sometimes we might be taking it too far by considerign each & every person an eve teaser. As you put oit, there is nothing wrong with looking... its the way someone looks at you. The parameters and what actually defines eve teasing is sorta lost here.
I'm sure you are doing a great job and have helped many many girls out there, but please do not overdo it
it is not morally right to condem a man before he has had his day in court, has he violated any laws, if so then why didnt you do something like report him or something, or was the sole purpose just to humiliate a MAN. just cause the internet is free doesnt give you the right to put his face up there and ridicule him.
well i just hope that guy finds this blog and sues your A@#.
today a blog, next youll want to take the law into your own hands. is that where you guys are heading ??????
in the end you are no differnt from the "men" in society.just want an eye for an eye, just cause he humilated you cause he had the audacity to think that he can get you over a cup of coffe , you want revenge, well, nicley done.
mmm and have you realised how your careless actions has taken the debate from what it was really ment, to now you being the bad guy. well you deserve it.
why cant it just be a blank space instead of the pic with the conversation underneath it, isnt that all we need for a healthy debate???? or was it because of the way he looked, instead of what he said,or both?????
I agree that the simple exchange as it is written would not (in my book) be considered serious harassment, and I would encourage the OP to be more forceful and clear in her responses to such solicitation in the future.
A strong, loud "Leave me alone!" would suffice.
After that any more communication IS harassment.
But to the males responding to this, stuff your self-righteous bullshit where the sun don't shine. When you get prodded, pinched, poked, followed, whispered obscenities or screamed obscenities at you a dozen times a day for your whole life, THEN you can comment with any moral authority.
Until then, shut the f*&^ up.
I was in India in February. I am 5'8", built like a body builder, practice martial arts, and take no shit from anyone. Even in New York, I don't look like someone to mess with. In India I was continuiously called to, followed, harassed, touched etc... until I was ready to quite literally kill someone with my bare hands.
Oh, and I can, BTW.
If the OP put a picture of a perp up on a website, thats hardly a brutal and viscious attack on him.
After all, she ASKED if she could take a picture.
He said yes.
Look, plenty of girls, Indian or otherwise would prefer to have their minds and bodies both left alone. A direct question and a direct answer yes/ no to are you interested? is fine as far as the answer is acceptede. But it very rarely IS accpted.
I joined orkut which is supposed to make "friends" but still took the precaution of not putting up my photograph, and stating in my profile that all I was interested in was friendship and academic discussions on someof the forums. But, being no computer whizz I didn't know that "they" had their ways of finding out telephone numbers and harassing you and since you can't issue a slap over the computer, I had to leave orkut which I was enjoying, and afterwards I also heard from my non-virtual friends- that hackers had managed to find my orkut identity and link it to pornographic sites! So much for making new "friends"! The major problem for me here is that a couple of incidents like this makes one suspicious of everyone anjd I am missing my communication with plenty of wonderful p-eople who just happen to be men because of a few creeps like this. DAMN THEM!
Oh, and by the way, in response to the comment she ASKED if she could take a photo, well, atleast she asked! the way photo taking cellphones are clicking every minute one walks unaware down the street and the "wonderful" morphing techniues developed now, I am seriously being to wonder if draping myself ina burkah might not be the only answer to prevent my face appear on someone's body on pornographic sites when I didn't even know such a snap had been taken. And in case anyone has wisecracks about why go to pornosites if you don't want to see all this, these sites like viruses attach themselves to harmless sites one regularly visits and short of reformatting there is no way one can get rid of them. I was conducting a search for school stories of which I happen to be a fan and suddenly a site whose id sounded totally opens up - it consisted of school stories all right- only the main activities in the schools were S&M Pornography.
And going back to the original photographed male"Victim" in this thread if anyone can't hear the eagerness in his reply- he's perfectly sure that after a photo she'll be only too keen to sleepwith him - they really need to study reading with the ears as well as the printed page with the eyes.
Am sure zat this guy was thinking hit bulls eye when she askd if she cud tke his snap!!! Messed with the Wrong girl this time!!! hats of dear!!!
Wait a minute….. All this debate is on ‘whether this guy was offensive or not’??? Come on guys, in a country where an uncle standing next to you in the bus stand pinches ur butt; the waiter who is supposed to serve you ‘brushes across’ you; the gentleman asking for directions has “Will you come for Rs. 1000” written on the paper having the address for which he is asking for directions; the lecturer in your college calls you to his staff room for a ‘meeting’; a classmate whom you probably consider as a friend would try to kiss you for the sake of winning a bet; a cop constantly look as ur blouse while u r trying to explain to him about a complaint….. U think living in such a country, u should expect a girl not to get offended when a ‘stranger’ walking on the road comes up with some cheesy lines for the heck of it, just for some cheap thrills??? In THIS patriarchal society where we girls cant trust uncles, ‘gentlemen’, teachers, friends and even cops… we being offended by a stalker is considered ‘narrow minded’…. theres no question of whether he is ‘polite’ or not… theres is no question of whether she said ‘leave me alone or not’… he freakin bothered her unnecessarily while she was upto herself on the road!! THAT’S IT…
And all the people here who are giving bull s#!^ like
“how do men approach women then?”
“How the hell is askin for a cofee eve teasin?”
“Asking out someone for a cofee is not sexual harrassment.. you should remove this guy's photo from the page…”
And even the ones who are supposedly trying to be ‘witty’
“Coffee , yes that should be banned, I knew it all the while.”
Better get one thing straight into ur heads…. In “our” patriarchal society, guys should not approach an unknown girl, guys should not ask unknown girls out, yes, even for COFFEE!! Unfair isn’t it…yes, even I agree its unfair… BUT it is the price men(yeah even innocent men) have to pay for the current state of our society. Now don’t give me crap like “why should they”…. for that matter why should each and every woman in our country be harassed a nearly 50 times a year?? No reason right… the same way, there is no reason for why the men lose their “asking-will-you-have-coffee-with-me-rights”… its sad, but it’s the reality…. We cant help it…. Nobody can help it, except men themselves…. The day women stop feeling ‘threatened’ by any stranger, that day these rights of men will be restored!! don’t blame the girls, guys….blame the eve teasers!! And more over, to sprinkle a little bit of ‘awareness’ on few of the ‘broadminded people’ here… in no country, whether America or Kazakhstan, can you see men randomly picking up unknown women off the streets for “dating”… probably u guys have seen prostitution and have mistaken it for dating!! So to the girl who said “if the same conversation had happened on F.r.i.e.n.d.s you and stalker no 1 would have slept together by now”, I would like to ask: If you ever land up on the streets of New York and an unknown guy on the road randomly ’tries his luck on you’ and asks you out, will you end up sleeping with him?? If so, I would like to warn you, that guy must be feeling lucky that he didn’t even have to pay you…
LOOK IM NOT MAKING FUN OF HER!! IM THE LAST PERSON TO DEMEAN ANOTHER GIRL, THAT TOO PUBLICLY! IM SERIOUSLY TRYING TO GIVE HER SOME AWARENESS AND WARN HER… Im just trying to be helpful to her… its upto her to take this advice or not *shrugs*
Not just that…. People seem to believe that, girls don’t mind being eve teased by good looking men!! They say
“i would like to know how the "machlee" would react if it was shah rukh khan who said those lines. or if the guy in the pic looked like hritik/brad.” and
“You'd be kidding yourself to think she would have had the same reaction had the question come from a cute-looking guy. He sounds like he deserved at least a proper answer”
I wonder if the guys who made such statements happen to be good looking, how fair they would think it would be for them to eve tease!! They would probably think its completely OK… To such guys lemme say one thing: its not that girls feel more offended by ugly eve teasers…its not that girls actually would get turned on by ‘good looking’ eve teasers….. Its doesn’t freakin matter if this guy looks good or not….. He bothered her unnecessarily, he eve teased her… THAT’S IT… he is an offender, a bloody eve teaser!!
“u might be playing with a innocent guys life…”
“You are making a joke out of him by posting his snap on your blog.”
“for all you know, this guy cud sure be a decent, respectable person working in a call centre, earning his own living with a perfectly fine background trying to get to know a girl”
Phuuleeeezzz… innocent, decent men from respectable families don’t go to random girls on the road and say ‘I think we have met each other on Commercial Street. Will you have coffee with me?’
I am from Bangalore, and if I ask 30 of my Bangalorean male friends if they would ever say such a thing to an unknown girl on the road…. I bet my life that all thirty will say, “even if she’s the most attractive girl ive ever seen, even if I would be losing an opportunity to meet the girl of my dreams, I would still never do such a thing!!”
That guy was surely a typical eve teasing jerk who just gets some sort of cheap pleasure by exchanging a few words with any and every girl… its probably like an achievement to him, that a girl even looked at him and spoke a couple of words addressing to him… even if those couple of words were ‘get ur stinking face off my sight’…… and I used to work if a call center in Bangalore…. I know the culture and the ‘typical’ call center guys very well….. Though its pretty common in call centers to date your collogues and go partying/pubbing with ur girlfriends often… it would had to be the real cheeeaapest guy working in the call center to go pick up a girl from the streets randomly!!
“if so then why didnt you do something like report him or something, or was the sole purpose just to humiliate a MAN.”
“in the end you are no differnt from the "men" in society.just want an eye for an eye, just cause he humilated you cause he had the audacity to think that he can get you over a cup of coffe , you want revenge, well, nicley done”
I am sorry to say this, but the above statements seem to be coming from a retard or something!! If the complaints could be filed every time a crime occurs, if the cops would ‘take care’ of the offenders, why has eve teasing been prevailing since 100s of years….. What would have been the necessity for a blank noise project???
And yeah honey, you got it right… BNP was formed, this website was made, all these people are working so hard and these pics have been put up on the website ‘to take revenge on those eve teasers… no actually to take revenge on every man on the face’ and NOT ‘to spread the right kind of awareness as to what offends the girls’, right?…. you are just brilliant dude!!!
Whatever, these guys who lack awareness may say..... I, as explained in the above posts, strongly believe that the 'stalker' IS SURELY AN "EVE TEASER UNWANTED!!!!!!!!
This guy's intention would be not good but most of women are prejudice as far as I know, they think a man want to get to know them just because he wants to know more about her or try to make a relationship with her.
Personally when girl is confused in road and looking for help, I always wait for her to come and approach me and I always hesitate to help her because If I show great interest in helping her then she think I am just trying to take advantage of the situation. There lot of men who do that but please understand not all of them...
hey its been 5 months since i last saw this page, and the story seems so to have changed.
so none of this is true is it???
^^^ Mr. Anonymous, what the hell do you mean by "the story seems to have changed"?? Be more explicit.... this blogspot has been created for a CAUSE.... theres no time for anyone over here, to play word games.... so stop making 'accusations' out of thin air... and if you want to still say anything else, it better be something concrete!!
The theme of this Blog is very good and I appreciate the blogger for the thought and effort but i don't think a talk is equal to stalking.
There are greater chances of the guy trying to be nice and appreciate you rather than trying to flirt.
When you publicly insult the respect of a person, i suppose you need a stronger reason.
There are thousands of guys around disrespecting women. Get them on. This guy, from what you have written, has been nice. He surely may not know you but it doesn't mean he is negatively looking at you.
mind you most like this are not stalking.. they might be trying to get close to you.. thatz it. He might like you pure. Nothing wrong, what if he made up a small lie.. public disrespect would cause grave hurt to him and his family.
Think twice before doing this.
Get the bad guys. Good. Great.
Even if one innocent gets hurt, it is character assassination.
What's very interesting in all the comments here is the difference in perception of the incident between (presumably) men and women.
A common sentiment echoed by the men seems to be: "the guy was only asking her out to a coffee. She could have just said no." (to be fair, the poster doesn't actually say "no, thanks." or "please leave me alone" in the convesation given).
Women seem to be sure that the guy was coming on to the poster.
I for one think that the guy was probably coming on to the poster. Having said that, I think it would have been a whole lot clearer if the poster had clearly indicated that the guy continued to press her even after she said "no". Somehow, "why are you telling me all this?" may not come across as a "no".
While I appreciate the efforts put in by the team to build up a blog site like thins to make people aware of eve-teasing and to voice their opinion, I am strongly against this section of the blogsite. Looking at this post, either you have not written the incident in detail or it is just another effort at making a mountain out of a molehill... Please understand that publishing photographs and accusing people ona forum like this amounts to character assassination and is a crime which should be dealt with seriously. I would request the moderators of this site to carefully moderate such posts or to take off this section of the post completely.
based on the story, Does it seem like a story worth posting in public?
I disagree. Until there is smthng hidden up down in the talk smwhere I dont feel that.
A girl comes to me talk to me and ask me out for a coffee and I post her pic all over internet and write she molested me...
Doesnt make sense.....
Anyways I bookmarked the site. This is a good initiative for helping innocent would be victim or other ppl but certainly shouldnt be used for other reasons.
Jasmeen, what would you consider an acceptable way for a man to ask a woman out for coffee?
I've been approached by men like this before and it's annoying.
I would prefer knowing the man first before he asks me out.
I've never asked out a man that I don't know, but considering that it is India and there are not a whole lot of ways that men and women can get to know each other....
what would you suggest?
The guy just had the guts to ask. I don't see anything wrong with his approach. She asked for a photo and he said yes. I believe he needs to be appreciated at least with the information we have here. Sorry for you jasmine...
I was so sincerely supporter of the project but things like this are so ridiculous.
"Eve teasing" is a very serious problem in India, but the reverse is also seen.
In Ragging, which commonly involves gross violations of human rights, both the pictures are seen, i.e. boys abusing girls, and girls abusing junior boys.
I know some readers may laugh at, but in changed Indian society many "westernized" girls criminally abuse junior boys, as the senior girls get support from their batchmates.
Serious abuses in Ragging has led to 31 reported deaths between 2000-2007 (7 in 2007 alone).
Society Against Violence in Education (SAVE) - www.no2ragging.org is possibly the first registered Indian NGO devoted to address this issue.
I am Santhosh., Male.
Come on Folks! Have some common sense!
Look at the photo of the creep! Does he look innocent or shy? He looks cunning and sly- like a fox.
If this man works in a call centre, hasn’t he got girlfriends there? Aren’t there girls working in the call centre? Can’t he go for coffe with one of them?
And he says he is a science graduate. Most probably, he has studied only II P.U.C.
He has called the lady for a cup of coffee, but any smart individual can be sure that he is thinking of nothing but sex.
Prakash has written : “well, how do men approach women then?”
First of all, remember that you are living in a nation which has exploited women for centuries. But, of course, the desire of man to approach a woman is also natural. But you cannot expect women to talk freely with men in this disgusting, bullshitty society.
Prakash, approach a woman silently. Do not make any conversation.
For example, you have climbed a bus and on one seat, is seated a pretty lady. She is the only one on the seat.
Now, you go and sit near her. But do not touch her. Do not talk to her. Do not even look at her. Be silent. SILENCE.
Close your eyes. Meditate. Now you are in the spiritual realm. Now your male energy goes and meets the female energy of that lady and speaks to her. But this speech is without words. This speech is expressed in feelings. You are having the divine romance.
Physically, you have not lifted a finger. But on the spiritual level, you have romanced.
Another advice I can give is:
You guys, why do you want to approach the woman? Let the woman approach you.
Become spiritual, folks, become spiritual.
Then the woman will get attracted by you and she will approach.
Anonymous has written : “i would like to know how the "machlee" would react if it was shah rukh khan who said those lines. or if the guy in the pic looked like hritik/brad.”
Well, there are two options.
If Sharukh Khan had called Jasmeen for coffee, there is a chance that she might have gone. But Shah Rukh is a Gentleman. He can be trusted.
When Shah rukh calls the girl for coffee, he means ‘Only coffee’ and no sex. That is proof of his decency. That is because he is sexually satisfied. Not only the physical sex, but even his mental and emotional needs as far as the female gender is concerned, he is fully satisfied. Because he is working in film industry and he has got numerous female friends.
The second optin is that if Shah Rukh or Hrithik had called Jasmeen for coffee, there is every chance that she might have refused. Hasn’t the girl the freedom to refuse? Do not imagine that Shah Rukh requests a girl to come with him, the girl will go running after him. Women got some dignity in life, but that is difficult for people like you to understand.
Whatever it is, the final decision should rest with the lady.
The sad thing is that almost every guy on this blog is in support of the fox on the poster.
But let us analyse the sly man. Instead of introducing himself, the fox speaks nonsense :
‘I work in a call centre. I graduate in Science.’
Now hy does he tell all this? What is the girl supposed to do after listening to it? Dance in front of him?
Then Jasmeen asks : “Why are you telling me all this?”
This question he does not answer, because he is a fox.
Instaed he asks her to come with him for coffee? Can’t this fellow drink his stinking coffee alone?
Of course, Not a serious matter. Not an eve-teaser, but might be something worse. He might be a criminal.
If a lady stares at you or smiles at you and then you go and speak to her and ask her out for coffee or pizza, that is justified.
But in this case, Jasmeen has not stared or smiled at this sly creature.
It is high foolishness to expect a girl to be friendly with or trust a stranger in this country, because this country consists of people out of whih 90% are bullshits.
Vishwas here.
The Meghana lady is speaking too much.
She sys - In “our” patriarchal society, guys should not approach an unknown girl, guys should not ask unknown girls out, yes, even for COFFEE!!
Now, is this really a patriarchal society? On th e surface, it look like that, but you go deep n d then U get the truth.
Most husbands are hen-pecked. Wives are the authority and almost everything happens according to the will of the lady. And who gives the children the basic guidelines, love etc.. Hey- The Mother. So the society is Matriarchal.
So, if a guy approaches an unkwon girl for coffee, he is doing nothing wrong.
For that matter, even if he asks
‘Can I kiss U/ HUG/ TOUCH BREAST/F$%K?’
even then , is not offensive, but totally naturally.
If U feel offeneded, that is ur bloody problem. Tht shows how weak-minded u r. It shows ur narrow-mindednes.
Megahana : ‘’’ for that matter why should each and every woman in our country be harassed a nearly 50 times a year??’’
So this woman has counted the no. how many times she has been harassed. 50 times! Meghana, have U added one zero by mistake? Most probably, the no. only five.
‘’’ No reason right… the same way, there is no reason for why the men lose their “asking-will-you-have-coffee-with-me-rights”…’’’
Who the hell r u to deprive me of my rights? My rights r my rights. U have no authority over my rights. And I m least interetsd to drink coffee wit u, U or any other girl- Because U ladies are nothing but a large pack of stupid creatures and this stupidity U call ‘Womanhood’.
And remember, it is because U r refusing men their rights, they are resorting to eve-teasing. They get rejected/ deprived and become angry/ frustrated then they become perverts. And U ladies r the cause for this.
Yes, U women R responsible for the growth of eve-teasers. You Got only yourselves to blame ! Do not blame the men! Blam Yourselves!
Wen U refuse to drink coffee with the guy. Then one dy he will start pincing the buttocks.
And Meghana also says – “”innocent, men from respectable families don’t go to random girls on the road and say ‘Will you have coffee with me?’
I am from Bangalore, and if I ask 30 of my Bangalorean male friends if they would ever say such a thing to an unknown girl on the road…. I bet my life that all thirty will say, “even if she’s the most attractive girl, I would still never do such a thing!!”
Now, look here, Those men might be lying their heads off. And Meghana got 30 male friends? In this conservative country? I nthis country where an uncle pinches ur butt, waiter brushes against u, Policeman looks at ur blouse, well, well, Meghana got 30 male friends in this country?
Meghana, is it 30 or 3? U might have added a 0.
Anyway, these your friends might not be telling the truth. If hey told the truth, then u wud have labeled them ‘Eve-Teasers’ and clicked their photographs and posted them on these blog.
Then instead of 8 unwanted teasers, we wud have had ‘ 38 unwanted eve-teasers’.
That man on the above post is definitely innocent. If u got any sense, pllz remove him frm the bog. If he comes to know it (Most probably he might, since he is working in a call centre), he might sue U and send U to Jail.
having gone through all the comments on this post, i see a marked streak in guys to try and defend the implied motives of the guy in the pic (which i do agree to, to an extent) and a marked streak of aggression and hostility towards the guy among the ladies...
believe me, with cases like this, Blank Noise is hurting its own cause by preventing itself from becoming a movement with a larger base... this guy might have been right, or he might have been wrong but the bottom line is that he was in that hue of gray where his intentions were not established to be mala fide.. this automatically creates an impression (however wrong) that this is again a guys vs gals thing, and is too gender defined to participate in...
rishi- i agree with you. it is a grey area. what happens if someone is attracted to the stranger who is 'asking you out' versus not attracted is also something worth exploring in what can be considered street sexual harassment.
in my list of experiences- until 2004- i had not been asked out for a coffee by any stranger- it was simply unacceptable?! more so if its some random person on the street versus being in a public space such as a coffee shop or a bar- the boundaries of behaviour shift a bit in different public spaces.
its not a 'guys vs gals' thing. blank noise is not NOT anti men. blank noise is also about understanding the relationship between male and female strangers.
i remember being in florence- italy perhaps in 2002...and a man asked me if he could walk around town with me. i said no.
i wasnt sure if that was street sexual harassment or just the 'done' thing there. my reactions are also based on what 'appears' acceptable and what doesnt - which again stems from each geographical location's cultural codes.
maybe this person's intention was not to harass me- but then again its him thinking he can- its about taking liberties?
Jasmeen, I still would like to go with what Rishi has to say. Guys most of them like having female friends. It can be just friends it can be as you said, with bad intentions. If you see, most of the guys with bad motives are people who are deprived of any normal interaction with females. May be because of their own complexes or may be because of the society. So by compartmentalizing males from females is probably a very dangerous thing to do. I think males aborad too discuss amoung themselves about females and ogle at females. But still the crime rates against the females are probably less. Males in general and Males in India has to grow to respect females. I am sorry that we are no where near this and I do apologise to all females being a male myself. But I would also request you to be realistic about this.
i wasnt sure if that was street sexual harassment or just the 'done' thing there. my reactions are also based on what 'appears' acceptable and what doesnt - which again stems from each geographical location's cultural codes
Does that people in other country are allowed to ask women but not in India....
Now that is stupid. We always accuse others for hypocrisy and are hypocrite ourselves
y would a abuser give permission for a photo shoot....
Here I see machlee is the one abusing the guy by posting his photo.
I think machlee seriously needs cyciatrist
someone has been harrassing me via the phone: he is doing it from the past two days:
919706327481, please lets give him a taste of his own medicine? I have already requested my friends on facebook to give him a miss call.
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